Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. —Psalm 27:3

I sat in my bed this afternoon after waking up a little late, with the day slowly beginning to pass. I wish I could describe the number of things going through my mind, but the one that seemed to take up the most space was this simple fact:

I am going to college in four days.

Now, college isn’t terrifying to me. For years, as I’m sure any person who went through school could agree, I’ve been told “College is going to be harder.” I believe them, to a degree.

I’m going to move away from all family and friends completely, for the first time in my entire life. (The mere eighteen years it has been so far.) I have a large majority of family in Arizona that I lived with. I have my mom, dad, and brother here in Arkansas whom I’ve lived with for the past seven years. I know about ten people in the entire city where I’m about to move off to. Despite all this I’m not exactly terrified of this either.

To be honest, nothing really terrifies me about college.

What gets me the most about what is to come is where I have been.

In the “process” of sitting on my bed this morning, at hand was my journal, a pen, and my Bible. I started writing what had been going on over the past week and it hit me out of nowhere. I realized that the more I began to write, the smaller the stack of pages beneath my hand became. I was almost finished writing in a journal that had been with me since September of 2008. A lot of good was in it. A lot of laughs, tears, and times of frustration were in it. A lot of me was in it. Here I was just writing away, the last pages dwindling down, and sooner or later this week, I would have to buy a new journal and start all over again.

If you are reading this and know me very well, or you’re reading this and don’t know me from Adam, I tell you now that my journals have a dear place in my heart. I have four: all for different things. Each and every one has a piece of me within it. Every single page I’ve treasured, never writing in pencil, but only in pen. I detested the times where I had to scribble out errors because of the fact that I refused to write in pencil. Regardless of all of these things, I came to this following realization simply from writing in my beloved journals.

God has brought me a long way. To this day writing this to you, dear reader, I can’t wrap my head around how much of myself has changed over the past few years, let alone the past few months, weeks, and days. I started getting emotional writing in my journal today because what was also brought to light was that college was in some ways alike and very different from my journals. From going back and reading previous entries I saw a lot of myself that is still there to this day, and has gotten stronger and made me who I am over time. I would be taking those things with me to a whole new place, with completely different people, in an unfamiliar atmosphere. To college, I’d be taking everything that I am. The good, the bad, and everything in between. All of me, that I thought I had safely stored within pages and pages of memories, would be in the little suitcase in my heart, being pulled right along too. I can’t leave them behind. I can’t leave myself behind.

On the flip side, I’ve always heard, “College is a whole new chapter to your life for you to experience. Re-invent yourself! Change! Be a new person!” I can’t say I agree and I can’t say I disagree. One way I know college is definitely not going to be like my journals is that I can’t just go out and buy a new one. I can’t go out and buy a new me, put myself on display, and say, “Here I am! New personality! New person! New me!” at the drop of a hat. At the same time, I can’t carry around everything from my past like baggage. What I can do, is embrace where I came from, and take one ... step ... further.

So why would I choose to write about my journals and going off to college? Well, dear reader, it’s simple. My journals mean a lot to me. They hold more of my past than I give them credit for. College is a part of my future, and will hold more than I can possibly imagine. You don’t have to be going off to college to know what I’m talking about though. You could be getting a new job, getting married, starting a family, working on publishing a book, or simply wondering what is going to happen later in your day today. My encouragement to you, from my heart, is that wherever you go, take all of who you are. I spoke last week in youth group about “The Sinful Woman Forgiven” in Luke 7:36-50. That woman came before Jesus despite the ridicule and judgment she received from the world, and poured out all that she had before Him. She gave Him her tears, her most precious ointments, but most importantly she gave Him herself. She knew she was unworthy just to sit in His presence, and all the while was boldly willing to enter it. She knew that what had to take place in her life would take time and wouldn’t happen overnight. As Jesus looked at her and said, “Your sins are forgiven” (verse 48), she stayed in His presence, looking up at Him beckoning Him from her heart, “Tell me again.” He then says, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Wherever you are going in your life, know that God is by your side. Changes within us are not supposed to happen overnight. They take time. He is waiting to carefully and lovingly orchestrate every single one, if you let Him. I must remember every day that unless I give God all that I am, I cannot fully give all that I am to those around me. I must love fiercely, give selflessly, and live as though there were no tomorrow. I am going to college. Where are you going in life? What is the next chapter happening for you? If you have no idea, don’t be discouraged or try hunting for it. Simply live. Just know that wherever you go:

“Go in peace.”

Copyright © by Jessica Brown Share