A Single Reflection
Column by Eileen Hershberger

The dawn of each day brings no relief. The heart feels alone and sad. God is a million miles away and prayers only reach the ceiling. Have you ever felt this way?

I went through a dry spell last fall, where I felt so alone and convinced there was no one who would understand how alone I felt. I remember crying myself to sleep, so sure that not even God Himself had any idea of how alone and lonely I was. This went on for several months, and my life felt barren and dry, as if I was struggling to cross a great desert I had no idea how I ever got to. It was just there, staring me in the face every morning and there when I put my head on the pillow at night.

Fall communion at church was coming up and as I continued to struggle with this fierce, gnawing loneliness, I was left wondering how I could attend the service and take communion, when it felt like God Himself had forgotten me. I had dealt with loneliness before, but never on such an emotional, gut wrenching level. I began to wonder if this huge, gaping hole of loneliness was to be a permanent part of my life.

Sitting in church on Communion Sunday and listening to the crucifixion story from the Gospels, I was overwhelmed with a sudden realization and understanding that God did understand my aloneness and loneliness. I was not the only one in the world who had ever felt this way. The words leapt from the pages of my Bible and for the first time I understood the incredible loneliness in the words of Jesus as he hung on the cross. “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” It was as if God had reached down, wrapped His arm around my shoulder, hugged me to His side and said, “See, I do understand. You are NOT the loneliest person in the world. My Son felt a loneliness that you will never be able to understand completely. You are never alone, for I will never leave you, never forsake you the way I had to leave and forsake my Son. And I do understand what you are feeling.” Tears sprang to my eyes, as I felt the touch of God whisper over me and I bowed my head, asking God's forgiveness and basking in the simplicity of His touch and knowledge of His greatness and unfailingness to answer my cries in His time, not mine.

I left church that beautiful fall Sunday with a new confidence and assurance that what I had been feeling was real, but God was bigger than the loneliness. I left confident that I will never be truly alone and when I do feel lonely and alone, God does understand and has felt the pain of loneliness. My heart felt light and free for the first time in a long time. It was open to the wonderfully refreshing love of a God who let me feel a desperate loneliness but never left me alone. Relief had come with the dawn of this day.

About the Author: Eileen Hershberger is a full-time student pursuing a degree in Early Childhood Education, and a part-time server. She enjoys reading, music, travel and baseball when not working or studying.

© 2008 Eileen Hershberger.