A Single Reflection
Column by Eileen Hershberger

Have you noticed something different when you are out and about these days? It seems the stores everywhere have stocked their shelves and are ready for Christmas. They have spent countless hours making beautiful displays to entice you into believing it will be the perfect gift for someone or the perfect thing for you to purchase for yourself whether it be clothes, books, electronics or a million other little things. They all want you to need what they have. They want you to part with your hard-earned money and go to great lengths (and sales) to get you to do so.

I love Christmas and the holidays. Something about the wonder of the season captures me each year, and I find myself digging out Christmas music and wanting to put up decorations the first of November. (No, I do not actually decorate until after Thanksgiving, but the music does get played whenever the mood hits). I don’t really know why I love Christmas so much, but I enjoy planning Christmas with my family, getting my cards sent, and giving those perfect gifts to my friends. It is something that I never get tired of or dread.

However, as I get older I have found that the holidays can also be a lonely time. All around me, I see couples doing things together, and I wonder if I will ever be part of a couple. And then the loneliness strikes. A sad kind of loneliness that makes me (want to) feel sorry for myself. Why is that? Am I the only one? Loneliness, I have discovered, is a very real subject that all singles deal with from time to time. It is a part of our lives whether we admit it or not. It is there and it is OK. Loneliness does not make us terrible people; it does not mean that we are not where God wants us to be. It is not something that we need to ‘fix’ in ourselves so that we are no longer lonely. As singles, we fall prey sometimes to the idea that if I had a boyfriend or husband, my loneliness would go away and I would not feel this way. But if you are fortunate enough to have truly honest friends who are married, you know that loneliness can be an issue for them as well.

So why do we struggle with loneliness and why is it such a universal feeling? I don’t know, but I have found I have two choices when those lonely times come. I can put on my favorite pair of pj’s, curl up on the couch with a big bowl of ice cream, watch my favorite sappy movie, and wish my life would turn out the way it does in the movies. Basically, have a poor me party and only invite myself. Or, I can let those times of feeling lonely drive me to God. I think sometimes loneliness is a part of our lives so that we are reminded that we are not the independent, ‘don’t need anyone’ women we try to portray to the world. We do need people in our lives.

Loneliness is such a soul feeling and can be hard to talk about it with friends and family, so we try to fix it somehow or we ignore it and stuff it way down inside of us, instead of being honest with God about our loneliness and seeking Him. Your being lonely is no news to God. He understands. He has been there. But we have to be honest enough with God and tell him about our loneliness. It is not going to be a big surprise to Him when you tell Him. He is not going to be shocked and say, “Oh my, this poor soul is lonely. I had no idea. Who can I send to take away her loneliness?” No, He wants you to spend time with Him when you are feeling lonely, seeking Him and learning about Him. So dig out those praise CDs, and sing along at the top of your lungs when you’re cleaning the house or driving down the road. Unbury your Bible from the bottom of that stack of books by your bed or wherever it is collecting dust, and spend time reading it, studying it and finding out how much God loves you. You will soon find that when you are spending quality time pursuing God and not so much time focusing on your loneliness, the loneliness does not feel as sharp.

And be willing to reach out to those around you. Sometimes our loneliness needs to drive us to reach out to those around us. Be willing to make the first move and introduce yourself to someone new at a Christmas party or social function. (You are going, aren’t you?) Volunteer at the local hospital or child care centers. There are lots of opportunities to be involved and reach out, if you look for them. I know it is easier to stay in our cozy little ruts and safe zones, but we rob ourselves of so much when we try to stay safe and hide our loneliness. Be willing to share your struggles with loneliness with a close friend. I think you will be surprised and realize you are not the only one who feels this way. In today’s society, it is easy to forget that we are not islands. We were created for fellowship and communication with others. By reaching out first to the One who created you and then to those that God places in your life, you will find the loneliness of life does not consume your every waking moment, but gets lost in the pursuit of knowing Jesus and reaching out.

Have a Merry Christmas … and remember we serve a great big God who will never leave us or forsake us, even if we are feeling lonely and forgotten. He is there. He is real. Make him the focus of your Christmas this year.