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"God sets the lonely in families."
-Psalm 68:6
The Importance of Church Attendance
"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of
doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day
approaching."
-Hebrews 10:25
Fitting in at Church
by Kenneth Sanderfer
This article is courtesy of LifeWay.com.
Question:
I'm a single mom with a son who's 6 and a daughter who's 10. We've worked through many losses since their dad and I divorced two years ago. One adjustment I still struggle with is church life. I'm having a hard time finding my fit. I'm not comfortable in the couples' class, and I find little in common with the never-married singles. Why is this so hard, and what can I do to help create a place for single parents like me who feel they don't fit in at church?
Answer:
One of the most difficult things about single-parenthood is trying to negotiate all the changes that occur. Not only have family dynamics changed, but the rules for how one relates to others have changed, too.
A challenge that often leaves single parents less prepared is the one surrounding their church family. Churches are accustomed to ministering to couples and traditional families. This is reflected in programming and sermon topics. Because of strong feelings about divorce, people and churches sometimes confuse helping non-traditional families with condoning divorce. People will probably argue forever the issue of divorce, but everyone should be able to agree on the undisputable message of redemption.
Another challenge that many single parents face with their church family concerns previous relationships. Most single parents emerge from the interpersonal world of couples. Long and meaningful relationships have been built with other couples and friends. People are accustomed to relating to you as a unit and not as an individual.
Sometimes people feel like they're caught in a trap of choosing sides. Therefore, it's easier to distance themselves than to risk offending the other spouse. Unfortunately, in the face of not knowing what to do or how to relate, some choose to do neither. It's in the context of this awkwardness that single parents often don't know what to do with their church, and the church doesn't know what to do with them.
However, there are many churches out there that recognize the needs of single-parent families and offer a special ministry to them. You might consider looking for a church with such a ministry in your area. Another option would be getting involved in starting such a ministry at your present church. Most churches would welcome this ministry but are either unaware of the need or don't have the resources to pull it off. You may be the person they've been needing.
Here are some facts that will possibly appeal to churches when presenting a proposal for starting a single-parent family ministry.
According to recent statistics, the sum of blended families and single-parent households outnumbers other forms of family. If 10 typical American families attended your group, it would look like this: four would be stepfamilies, three would be single-parent families, and three would be traditional first-time marriages.
Statistics suggest that less than 5 percent of single-parent families attend church, compared to 35 percent of two-parent homes. It's easy to see the outreach and growth potential that exists.
When single-parent families are reached, they bring in children and youth. Therefore, churches can choose to invest in the future.
Churches are the conjoint expression of their members' gifts, talents, and experiences. Perhaps God can use your experience and create in you a heart for single-parent ministry.
I'm a single mom with a son who's 6 and a daughter who's 10. We've worked through many losses since their dad and I divorced two years ago. One adjustment I still struggle with is church life. I'm having a hard time finding my fit. I'm not comfortable in the couples' class, and I find little in common with the never-married singles. Why is this so hard, and what can I do to help create a place for single parents like me who feel they don't fit in at church?
Answer:
One of the most difficult things about single-parenthood is trying to negotiate all the changes that occur. Not only have family dynamics changed, but the rules for how one relates to others have changed, too.
A challenge that often leaves single parents less prepared is the one surrounding their church family. Churches are accustomed to ministering to couples and traditional families. This is reflected in programming and sermon topics. Because of strong feelings about divorce, people and churches sometimes confuse helping non-traditional families with condoning divorce. People will probably argue forever the issue of divorce, but everyone should be able to agree on the undisputable message of redemption.
Another challenge that many single parents face with their church family concerns previous relationships. Most single parents emerge from the interpersonal world of couples. Long and meaningful relationships have been built with other couples and friends. People are accustomed to relating to you as a unit and not as an individual.
Sometimes people feel like they're caught in a trap of choosing sides. Therefore, it's easier to distance themselves than to risk offending the other spouse. Unfortunately, in the face of not knowing what to do or how to relate, some choose to do neither. It's in the context of this awkwardness that single parents often don't know what to do with their church, and the church doesn't know what to do with them.
However, there are many churches out there that recognize the needs of single-parent families and offer a special ministry to them. You might consider looking for a church with such a ministry in your area. Another option would be getting involved in starting such a ministry at your present church. Most churches would welcome this ministry but are either unaware of the need or don't have the resources to pull it off. You may be the person they've been needing.
Here are some facts that will possibly appeal to churches when presenting a proposal for starting a single-parent family ministry.
According to recent statistics, the sum of blended families and single-parent households outnumbers other forms of family. If 10 typical American families attended your group, it would look like this: four would be stepfamilies, three would be single-parent families, and three would be traditional first-time marriages.
Statistics suggest that less than 5 percent of single-parent families attend church, compared to 35 percent of two-parent homes. It's easy to see the outreach and growth potential that exists.
When single-parent families are reached, they bring in children and youth. Therefore, churches can choose to invest in the future.
Churches are the conjoint expression of their members' gifts, talents, and experiences. Perhaps God can use your experience and create in you a heart for single-parent ministry.
©
Life
Way
Christian
Resources.
Courtesy
of
LifeWay.com,
and
Christian
Single
magazine.
About the Author: Kenneth Sanderfer is a marriage and family therapist in private practice in Nashville, Tenn.
About the Author: Kenneth Sanderfer is a marriage and family therapist in private practice in Nashville, Tenn.