Dear Misty,

I am a 29-year-old woman. All of my friends have husbands and children. I am left out of the bunch. Dinner parties are awful because I am either the only one who came alone or I am being set up with the last single man they know. Neither is much better. Our church doesn’t have a singles group and it is very difficult for me to socialize.

I have been praying for a husband for many years and I think one has finally came along. Two weeks ago I met a man at the grocery store. We went to the coffee shop down the street and we’ve talked constantly since then. We have a lot in common and as it turns out we both go to the same church, we just run in different circles. I am quite sure I am in love!

Last night he started talking about marriage—vague statements like, “I do not want a long engagement. I never wanted a big wedding. Eloping would be the best thing; don’t you agree?” Well I do not agree. I am 29 and have waited my whole life to get married. I do not want to scare him away by telling him what I want but I do not know if I should give up my dream wedding for the man of my dreams.

~Eliza

Dear Eliza,

No two people agree on everything and a marriage is about compromise and putting the other person first. However, a marriage cannot survive without communication. If you just blindly agree with him for the sake of keeping him, you are setting a foundation of doing that in the future. If you truly believe you are in love with him and you honestly believe he is the one God has in mind for you, then you need to enter this dating period with thoughts toward marriage. Your dream man is already starting to set the foundation on what he wants and desires; you need to be doing the same.

Dating is often a difficult place because in theory this is the period where you are to evaluate the other person to find out if they are the person you want to spend the rest of you life with. In actuality it becomes more of a time where we conform to what we think the other person wants. A marriage is built on cooperation and commitment so please keep in mind that I am not saying that you cannot compromise the wedding of your dream for the man of your dream. However, I do not think you should simply agree with him in an effort to keep him.

Are you actually considering marriage at this point? Or is he simply making statements to cover future events? If you are seriously considering marriage, I urge you to evaluate how well you know each other. I do not need to tell you how long you have been together but I do need to remind you that two weeks is enough time to become smitten, whereas a lifetime is enough time to become embittered.

I realize that you are eager to get married and I do think you should prayerfully consider your motives on wanting to agree completely with him. You do not want to enter a lifetime commitment simply because you are tired of being single. No matter what kind of wedding you have I strongly urge you to go through premarital counseling, preferably with your pastor.

Serving Him,
Misty

Scriptures to Consider:
Mark 10:6-9
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Ephesians 5:21-31
Colossians 3:12-16
Ephesians 4:25-32
Isaiah 26:3-4
Genesis 2:18-24

Copyright © by Misty Dawn Bodeman Share