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Real Respect
Do you privately treat your husband with as much
respect as you do your pastor, friends, and neighbors in
public?
The Dreaded "S" Word - Submission
by Stacy R. Miller
Submission
should be something that we are
honored to
do,
but
oftentimes, it is dreaded as
something so horribly awful. I
think that there has been some
teaching out there that is
unbiblical regarding
submission. As I learned some
Biblical things about
submission, it has helped me
look at it in a whole new way.
I pray that the insights will
help each one of you be able to
embrace the role of submitting
to your husband.
I like the
Amplified version of Ephesians
5:33 -- ...let the wife see that
she respects and reverences
(deeply respects, loves, and is
in awe of) her husband. She
should notice him, regard
(consider, gaze upon, to hold in
affection and respect) him,
honor him, prefer him, venerate
(look upon with deep respect)
him, and esteem (to value
highly) him, and that she defers
(to yield with courtesy) to him,
praises him, and loves and
admires him exceedingly.
As God has
delivered me from some patterns
of wrong thinking due to moral
failures that occurred before I
was married, I have been able to
enjoy my husband in new ways.
We have been married almost
fifteen years now, but
oftentimes, I find myself
flirting with him, just with my
eyes. We will both get to
giggling, and then Rachel will
start saying, "What's so
funny?" Which, of course, only
makes us laugh harder. We just
tell her that it's something
between Mommy and Daddy. If you
aren't in the habit of flirting
with your husband, I highly
recommend it! You may be very
pleasantly surprised at the
results.
One year I bought
some massage oil for him. Even
after being married well over
ten years, he blushed when he
opened it. This was just
another way of regarding him and
esteeming him.
In the above
verse in Ephesians 5, it
mentions preferring your
husband. A way to show that I
prefer him is that when he gets
home in the evening, I try not
to make any phone calls. If a
phone call comes in for me, I
keep it short, and just explain
to the person that my husband is
home so I need to go. I also
try to stay off of the computer
when he is home. This shows
honor to him, as well as
preferring him. I also don't
make plans to get together with
my girlfriends when he is going
to be home. Another way to show
respect for him is that if you
are watching TV, and he wants to
talk, turn it off. Show him
that you are more interested in
what he has to say than what the
"one-eyed monster" is saying.
If you feel that you are at a loss of how to apply this scripture in your marriage, ask God to reveal to you ways that you can apply it. I did that and God began to show me other ways, as well as what I had already put into practice. One thing is so simple, but yet it is still a way to respect and regard him. When I wash the bath towels, I always put his on top of the stack. Then when he needs it, he doesn't have to dig through the stack. I try to keep socks and underwear for him in the bathroom so that when he goes to take a shower, it's one less thing that he has to dig out from the bedroom. These are such simple, easy things, but as moms, don't you find that it's the simple things that your spouse does for you that you tend to appreciate the most? For instance, what if he makes the bed or says that he will do the dishes? Those things don't take up a lot of time, but I know that I deeply appreciate having someone else do them for me once in a while.
A way in which you can defer to your husband is by letting him choose the TV show for the evening or even by letting him pick the restaurant when you are going out to eat. Even if you may not feel like doing it, when he says, "Let's go to...," answer enthusiastically by saying, "Sure! Sounds great!" This is just one more way where you defer to him. If he is suggesting that you go someplace, it means that he is desiring YOUR company!
Many men don't take the time to nurture friendships with other men. They are too busy trying to make a living. I began to pray about this issue. It was only a matter of a few weeks before my husband was out having coffee and met another Christian man. They get together often to chat. I don't begrudge him of this because I have seen the difference that this one friendship has made in his attitude.
While on this subject, let me highly recommend the book called "The Power of a Praying Wife." It is an awesome book that will help you pray more effectively for your husband. That book is what lead me to start praying for a male friend for my husband. I have added that book to part of my devotional time. The prayers are loaded with scripture. I love putting scripture in my prayers because I have no doubt as to whether or not I am praying for God's will. It helps me to stay more focused on my prayers for my husband as well. I have seen positive results from these prayers many times.
Another simple way I have found to honor my husband is by planning just about every night to use the massager on his back. He gets to hurting, and that really does help to make him feel better, not to mention that it just plain feels good! A side note here is that shortly after I started making this a habit, he was talking to a lady who asked him if I worked. He responded by telling her "Yes, she works hard. She has a hot meal fixed for me every night and she massages my back just about every night!" That made me feel more appreciated than if he had brought home a dozen roses.
If you feel that you are at a loss of how to apply this scripture in your marriage, ask God to reveal to you ways that you can apply it. I did that and God began to show me other ways, as well as what I had already put into practice. One thing is so simple, but yet it is still a way to respect and regard him. When I wash the bath towels, I always put his on top of the stack. Then when he needs it, he doesn't have to dig through the stack. I try to keep socks and underwear for him in the bathroom so that when he goes to take a shower, it's one less thing that he has to dig out from the bedroom. These are such simple, easy things, but as moms, don't you find that it's the simple things that your spouse does for you that you tend to appreciate the most? For instance, what if he makes the bed or says that he will do the dishes? Those things don't take up a lot of time, but I know that I deeply appreciate having someone else do them for me once in a while.
A way in which you can defer to your husband is by letting him choose the TV show for the evening or even by letting him pick the restaurant when you are going out to eat. Even if you may not feel like doing it, when he says, "Let's go to...," answer enthusiastically by saying, "Sure! Sounds great!" This is just one more way where you defer to him. If he is suggesting that you go someplace, it means that he is desiring YOUR company!
Many men don't take the time to nurture friendships with other men. They are too busy trying to make a living. I began to pray about this issue. It was only a matter of a few weeks before my husband was out having coffee and met another Christian man. They get together often to chat. I don't begrudge him of this because I have seen the difference that this one friendship has made in his attitude.
While on this subject, let me highly recommend the book called "The Power of a Praying Wife." It is an awesome book that will help you pray more effectively for your husband. That book is what lead me to start praying for a male friend for my husband. I have added that book to part of my devotional time. The prayers are loaded with scripture. I love putting scripture in my prayers because I have no doubt as to whether or not I am praying for God's will. It helps me to stay more focused on my prayers for my husband as well. I have seen positive results from these prayers many times.
Another simple way I have found to honor my husband is by planning just about every night to use the massager on his back. He gets to hurting, and that really does help to make him feel better, not to mention that it just plain feels good! A side note here is that shortly after I started making this a habit, he was talking to a lady who asked him if I worked. He responded by telling her "Yes, she works hard. She has a hot meal fixed for me every night and she massages my back just about every night!" That made me feel more appreciated than if he had brought home a dozen roses.
In I Peter 3:1 it
says that wives should submit to
their husbands. If you skip
down to verse 5, it's still
talking about the submission
issue, and it says that the holy
women of old WHO HOPED IN GOD
were submissive to their
husbands, adapting themselves to
their husbands. The bottom line
here is that if we can't submit
to our husband, then we have a
problem with our relationship
with the Lord. Notice that the
verse says the holy women of old
hoped in GOD. They saw their
submission to their husband as a
submission to God. They trusted
God to take care of them, even
if their husbands made a bad
choice. Now I'm not saying that
we need to submit to them if
they are asking us to sin. That
is entirely different.
Let me give you an example. My husband wanted me to start the process of looking for a different house. I was not thrilled with the idea, but I obeyed him, and have started looking. I am putting my trust in the Lord that if we are to move, that God will make a way for it. If God doesn't want us to move, then I am praying for Him to close any doors that my husband may want to go through that aren't God's plan for us.
Let me give you an example. My husband wanted me to start the process of looking for a different house. I was not thrilled with the idea, but I obeyed him, and have started looking. I am putting my trust in the Lord that if we are to move, that God will make a way for it. If God doesn't want us to move, then I am praying for Him to close any doors that my husband may want to go through that aren't God's plan for us.
I have found that
it is really easy to look at
someone else's faults (including
my husband's), and want to pray
for God to change them. I have
learned that it is much wiser to
pray for God to change ME!
Often, God will let us go
through things to teach us
something. There may be
something that you really want
to change, but God may want to
get you to be content in the
circumstance BEFORE He decides
to bring about a change in it.
Hmm, seems to me that Paul
mentioned learning how to be
content in any circumstance.
Another way to
show respect for him is to keep
the house in good order. No
husband wants to come home to
disarray after working hard all
day. I'm not saying to have the
place spotless at all times.
I'm just saying that it should
be orderly, without toys and
clutter being everywhere when he
walks in the door. Your home
should be a sanctuary for him, a
place where he feels at peace
and rest. It should be an
inviting place for him. If you
do this, not only are you
following what God would have
you to do, but you are also
putting the enemy to flight.
You are giving one less
temptation to your husband by
making the home inviting to
him. You are making it a place
where he wants to be.
© 2003, Stacy R. Miller
About the Author: Stacy Miller is
a SAHM who homeschools. She is
actively involved in teaching at
her local church. She has been
writing professionally since
2003. Her website, found at
Proverbs 31 Devotionals, is
dedicated to helping women to
become better wives, mothers,
and women of God. To read more
of her devotions or to join her
mailing list,
visit her
website or email her at
StacysProverbs@aol.com.
Photo by Chi Le.