A Wife's Power: The Truth About Feminine Influence

"Women yield more power in man-woman relationships. Men are born of women, raised by women, and come to women for bonding and mating. Throughout their whole lives, women are central to men's emotional well-being. I don't think we can come up with one story about a man committing suicide over the breakup with a golf buddy. We all are aware of the devastation that can be wrought by a man's frustration when he is not loved, admired, appreciated, and embraced by his woman. That hurt, rejection, or loss can virtually end his motivation for life. Most men live to serve their wives and children -- their families. When they are not made to feel that they are appreciated for those efforts, they become hurt, lost, lonely, and not very cooperative."¹

Do you believe that? If not, why? Is it because you have adopted an attitude of victimization and helplessness? Is it because of a selfish "What have you done for me lately" mentality?

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
-Proverbs 14:1

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
-Proverbs 12:4 

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.
-Proverbs 21:19

 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
-Proverbs 31:10, 11, 12

1. A wife has little power to change her husband, but with God's help she can change herself.
   Constantly needling him to change into what she believes to be  the perfect husband, is counterproductive and unkind. It produces resentment, stubborn resistance, and wounded feelings. But with God's help she does have the power to change herself. She can adopt new, more Christ-like attitudes toward her husband; she can learn to respond more positively to her circumstances; and she can generally do everything within her power to become the wife that God intended for her to be. Her willingness to change for the better will improve the tone of her marriage and deepen her walk with the Lord. Additionally, her husband will be more inclined to make positive changes on his own, in response to the change in her.
    
2. Men and women have different primary needs.
   In today's world, the all-important study of gender differences has been severely neglected. God created men and women with not only physical differences, but also distinct emotional needs. To have an exemplary marriage, it is important to understand what the most important needs of each gender are. For example, both men and women long for love, but a husband's greatest needs are to be accepted as he is, appreciated, and respected. A wife tends to place more importance on feeling loved and cherished. It is interesting to note that in Ephesians 5:33, the Apostle Paul acknowledged these unique needs: "However, each one of you [men] also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." When a wife focuses on meeting her husband's masculine needs, usually his natural response is to more fully meet her feminine needs.
    
3. A wife's powerful influence is only as positive as her thoughts.
   Too much focus on the fact that her marriage is not everything she wishes it to be, can cause a sense of helplessness and a loss of focus.²  If you are experiencing marriage difficulties, instead of focusing on what your husband is (in your opinion) doing wrong, focus on two things:
    
   • What is he is doing right? Memorize Philippians 4:8: "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." When focusing on your husband's better side, it will be easier for you to meet his need for appreciation, acceptance, and respect.
      
   • What can you do right? In Mark 6:41 Jesus asks, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Focus on improving yourself, and you will be less critical of your husband.

¹Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Woman Power (New York: HarperCollins, 2004), p. xix. Note: Dr. Laura Schlessinger is not a Christian, but we believe that the quote included here is an important reminder to all wives, regardless of their religious beliefs.

²Important Note: The marriage related articles on PositivelyFeminine.org are not intended as a substitute for professional counseling. If there are, or have been, grave problems in your marriage -- especially problems involving adultery, abuse, or addiction -- please seek professional counseling or appropriate assistance from authorities.