Do you tell friends what you think they want to hear, instead of respectfully sharing your own thoughts and opinions? Do you act like someone that you're not in an effort to fit in? Such behavior is usually based on what the Bible refers to as the "fear of man," rather than on a healthy respect for others.

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. —Proverbs 29:25

Meaningful friendship is based on a willingness to be open and respectfully honest. In his book Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Robert E. Fisher says that there can be no true unity in a family unless each member "is willing to reveal himself—his feelings, likes, dislikes—truthfully to other members. As long as individual members hide themselves from one another through ... behavioral facades, or untruthful conversation, there will be no unity."¹

The same is true of friendship. Unless your friends are permitted to genuinely get to know you, you will have many acquaintances but few authentic friends.

It is not necessary or appropriate to share every secret, or to speak everything that comes to mind; but it is essential to selectively allow others the honor of peeking into your heart in order to see the real you. You have been granted a unique, beautiful personality, and a plethora of wonderful traits that can be a blessing to this world if you allow others the honor of experiencing them. Others may not always agree with your thoughts and opinions, but what you think and feel will still have value. Differing views, when expressed with respect and kindness, make life interesting.

The next time you are tempted to tell others only what you think they want to hear, or to otherwise hide your true self, remember the following verses:

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
—2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. —Ephesians 4:15

Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. —1 Peter 3:10

Copyright © by Brenda King
¹Robert E. Fisher, Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak (Cleveland, TN: Tyndale House, 1987).
Photo of girl on phone is courtesy of Anita B. Patterson. Share