In this site...
God's View of Gossip
"A perverse [woman] stirs up dissension,
and a gossip separates close friends."
-Proverbs 16:28
Maturity
"Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others
outweighing your concern for yourself."
-John McNaughto
Relationship Rules for Work
by
Brenda King
Work environments offer a unique opportunity for building and maintaining positive, lasting relationships. Unfortunately, they can also quickly become places of conflict with finger-pointing, backbiting, hurt feelings, and wounded egos. To help ensure a positive work experience, follow these common sense rules.
Refuse to Engage in Workplace Gossip
Proverbs 18:8 says, "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts." It may seem entertaining to poke fun at a coworker or to vent about her shortcomings, but when you do so, you internalize the negativity. It will poison your thoughts of her, and ultimately your actions toward her.
Maintain a Positive Attitude
A grumpy, complaining attitude about work can be highly contagious, especially if it's coming from a coworker with whom you spend most of your day. Pay special attention to your own thoughts and mindsets during such times. Remind yourself that her sour attitude has no power over you.
A grumpy, complaining attitude about work can be highly contagious, especially if it's coming from a coworker with whom you spend most of your day. Pay special attention to your own thoughts and mindsets during such times. Remind yourself that her sour attitude has no power over you.
In his book The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, Dr. Stephen Covey writes, "Remember, any time your emotional life is a function of someone else's weakness, you disempower yourself and empower those weaknesses to continue to mess your life up."1
By focusing your thoughts in the right direction, you have the power to maintain a realistic mindset. Ask God to help you think true, noble, and right thoughts (Philippians 4:8).
Make a Habit of Noticing the Good in Others
Especially when working in close quarters with the same people day after day, it is easy to succumb to petty annoyances. Curtail this tendency by focusing on the good in your coworkers. Notice their strong points and how they contribute to the company. Express admiration for their skills, and appreciation for any thoughtful things they do for you.
Avoid Hypersensitivity
When relating to coworkers, assume the best. Determine not to get caught in immature mind games. It's one thing to be perceptive, but quite another to obsess over what slight changes in their behavior may indicate about their approval or disapproval of you.
Determine to maintain an even demeanor at work. Don't allow yourself to become easily angry, hurt, or upset. This takes practice, but each of us has the power to choose how we react to circumstances.
Dr. Stephen Covey, one of TIME magazine's 25 most influential Americans, insists that "between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and happiness."2
Know How to Handle Direct Conflict
Sometimes confrontation is inevitable. Have the wisdom to respond accordingly. If the conflict is an outburst by a coworker who is having a bad day, it is usually best to simply ignore him. Anything you say may further provoke his anger. Chances are, tomorrow he will realize how unpleasant he was and apologize.
Sometimes confrontation is inevitable. Have the wisdom to respond accordingly. If the conflict is an outburst by a coworker who is having a bad day, it is usually best to simply ignore him. Anything you say may further provoke his anger. Chances are, tomorrow he will realize how unpleasant he was and apologize.
On the other hand, if a coworker has been consistently treating you unfairly, it may be time to either confront her or take the problem to your manager. Instead of attacking her directly, it is usually best to kindly but firmly share what you want or expect. Say something like, "I expect to be given adequate time to express my viewpoints in office meetings," instead of, "You are a terrible listener and have absolutely no manners or respect for the ideas of others."
If the conflict is a disagreement about the way something should be done, express your opinion, but be sure you are being fair. Make every effort to understand the other person's viewpoint, and to arrive at a compromise.
No matter how difficult the situation, maintain your integrity. In The Coward's Guide to Conflict, Tim Urseny, Ph.D., advises:
After sharing what you want, exploring the other person's position, and attempting to compromise, ask yourself the following questions:
- In order to be the man or woman that I want to be, what do I need to do in this situation?
- In order to be the whole person that I want to be, how do I need to react to this person?
- Which is most important in this situation, fairness or integrity?3
Avoid Becoming Better Friends With Your Male Coworkers Than With Your Husband
Coworkers often become extraordinarily open, candid, and emotionally close with one another. It is good to be honest and friendly with male coworkers, but remember that not only is your husband the primary love interest in your life, he is to be your primary male friend as well. If you find yourself being more friendly and transparent with a male coworker than with your husband, immediately take steps to rectify the situation.
About the Author:
Brenda
King is the director of
PositivelyFeminine.org. She and
her husband Mike live in Ohio
and have one son. In her
spare time she enjoys reading,
writing, hiking, and working on
the computer.1Stephen R. Covey, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness (New York: Free Press, 2004).
2ibid, p.42.
3Tim Urseny, Ph.D, The Coward's Guide to Conflict (Illinois:Sourcebooks, Inc., 2003).
Photo of girl on phone by Sami Villwock.