The most popular secular child training tool is the time-out. They didn’t have them when I was a kid. Your kid “disrespects” you and you put them in a time-out, one minute per year old they are. Is this effective? Is it preparing them for a healthy adult life?

I guess there is one main way to see if a time-out is effective. You can see if it stops the behavior. I would also consider if it maintains the integrity of the child. Each of our kids is made in the image of God and deserves respect.

In order to be effective, a training tool needs to meet the need of the child. If they are scared, does being isolated away from you and the rest of the family solve the problem? I love this quote from Naomi Aldort:

Imagine that you have just learned that your mother is dying or your partner is filing for divorce. In desperation you visit a friend, yearning to talk, cry, or rage in a supportive environment. No sooner do you begin letting out your emotions than your friend offers advice or suggests a distraction: "Let’s go to a movie, that will take your mind off of it." You are more likely to wish that your friend would listen to you attentively, ignore telephone calls and other intrusions, and focus on you. A child is a person with the same needs. —Naomi Aldort

I completely agree. And we must understand that a child sometimes can’t understand why they feel the way they do, or they can’t fix what’s wrong. If you consider any misbehavior, there is a need behind it. Maybe it is needing attention. Isolation doesn’t cure that. Perhaps it is fear. Maybe it is just being tired. In most of these issues they need you. You are the person that your child counts on to normalize the household. A mom can set and maintain the tone for the household. It really is our conscious decision to lead and be an example.

One important thing I always encourage moms to do is to share your feelings with your child. I once made chocolate chip cookies with my oldest daughter and I dropped 1/2 of the egg shell into the stand mixer with the eggs and butter. AHHHHHH!!! I didn’t have any more butter. I was frustrated. I grasped my hands and shook them up and down and said, “I’m so FRUSTRATED!!!” This is how you can teach your kids the differences between emotions. I especially see in men that the only emotion they can share with the world is anger. Makes me wonder, “Are you hurt? Are you scared? Are you frustrated?” I just wish it was easier to decipher sometimes. Teaching emotions to your kids shows them the differences, and that these emotions aren’t bad. These emotions are a normal part of life and we need to show them how to deal with them in a healthy way.

Sometimes I think it is the parent who needs the time-out. In this hectic lifestyle a majority of Americans live, it is inconvenient to have to discipline and meet the needs of our kids at times. A time-out is the easy out. But if it is completely ineffective it will just lead to more problems. Families may need to simplify their lives some so the bare necessities of everyone’s needs are met. Most people become parents rather consciously. Some like myself needed medicine, and I was pleading on my knees to become a parent. I am blessed and they are my blessings, and all other things just pale in comparison.

The opposite of a time-out is what children need. A time-in can help calm a child and help them communicate what they need. If you just hold your child and talk with them, or even just start reading a favorite book with them (depending on their age), that can quickly calm a crabby kid. Being with you, the main caregiver and source of all love and nurturing, is just the element your child is needing.

For this is what the LORD says:
   "I will extend peace to her like a river,
   and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream;
   you will nurse and be carried on her arm
   and dandled on her knees.

As a mother comforts her child,
   so will I comfort you;
   and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.

—Isaiah 66:12-13

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