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The God of Comfort
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
-2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Christmas and the Loss of a Child
for Brenda...

by Anni Welborne

It was the winter of my discontent in so many ways….

For the third time, I had miscarried. Our dream of having children was shattered. We were hopeless. Proverbs says that “a hope deferred makes a heart sick,” and we were truly heart sick.

Even though the third miscarriage was in April, my heart entered a “bleak midwinter” for several months. Spring came and went, and the daffodils and tulips seemed black and white to me. The summer sun didn’t melt the tundra of my heart. As each leaf fell in autumn, I felt my soul falling deeper and deeper into despair. My hopes decayed like the leaves piled against our fence row, driven there by the wind to rot over the winter. In November, I struggled to find things for which to be thankful. As the daylight lessened each day, so did the light in my soul.

That Christmas season was unbearable. I couldn’t stand to listen to the Christmas songs that year. Each song on the radio seemed to drive the knife of loss deeper and deeper into my heart. Christmas songs are written to evoke deep feelings of tenderness and awe, and all I wanted to do was stop the music, so I wouldn’t hurt anymore.

Songs about longing…
O Come, o come, Immanuel…
Longing…Oh, yes, I understood longing. My soul was one large lump of longing permanently stuck in my throat.

Songs about adoring a newborn….
O come let us adore him….
All this emphasis on babies, lullabies, and hearing children’s’ choirs just made me cry, broken and hopeless.

Songs about being cheerful and joyful…
Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Let your heart be light…
God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay…
All my smiles were forced. Every cheerful greeting was an effort. My heart was not light. It was heavy and cold. No amount of sleep provided me rest, and I was way beyond dismay.

Songs about friends and family…
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more…
That was not our experience. Actually, it seemed most of our friends avoided us, not knowing how to deal with our pain. One “friend” even told me to stop talking about it, that she didn’t like children and didn’t really care if we had them or not. She told us that if we had children, that she wouldn’t really want to be around us anymore. Our true friends knew we were hurting, but they had their own lives and concerns (and children) to deal with at this busy time. I felt so lonely.

Even the angels conspired to make things worse…
Hark the herald angels sing,
Glory to the newborn king…
How terrible I must be to even resent the angels announcing the birth of Jesus…. No wonder God wouldn’t give me a baby, if I felt like this.…

There was no Epiphany. No bells suddenly ringing in my heart. No light breaking over the frozen dark horizon of my soul. I’m sure it was only the grace of Christ that got me through that winter. In proceeding years, God has thawed my heart and shown me how much He walked with me through that long winter. Looking back, however, I find that I didn’t listen closely enough to the very songs that would have ministered to my bleeding soul.

Peace on earth, good will to men…

When my heart was aching and throbbing in pain, God-with-me (Immanuel) offered me peace, blessed peace. The kind of peace that truly soothes an aching soul. The kind of balm that doesn’t melt away. Good will to me? Of course – God has plans to prosper me, not to harm me.... (Jeremiah 29:11)

The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in Thee tonight…

…Plans to give me hope and a future. Everything I could want, everything I ever feared happening, Jesus met those needs.

Rather than resenting this little baby (and any accompanying angelic announcements) I came to realize that this little baby came precisely because of my pain, my loneliness, my wicked resentment. Everything my heart needed was wrapped up in swaddling clothes.

His name shall be called Wonderful,

Truly this Baby was wonderful. The King of the universe put aside His glory and was born in a stable. How wonderful that He loved me enough to do so!

Counselor,

In my pain, I just wanted to hide away. I felt like a wounded animal, striking out against even the One who could help me. When I trusted Him, He began counseling me, soothing my soul, drying my tears, helping me connect the dots of His wisdom and working in my life.

The mighty God,

If ever we were to conceive and bear children, we would know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was because of a Mighty God. We had proven three times that we could not do it in our own power, that no amount of wishing and praying would produce a child.

The Everlasting Father,

As I came to understand more of the Everlasting Father, I began to understand that my three precious children were not completely lost to me. Instead, I learned that God is not only my Everlasting Father, the but Everlasting Father of my children as well. And as their father, He always does what is best and right for them. I read in Isaiah 57:1 that “the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.” I began to thank God for sparing my children from sin. I rejoiced to know that I had three children who had never and never would sin! I rejoiced that those three children would never fear terrorists or be tempted by drugs.

The Prince of Peace.

My heart was anything but peaceful. And yet that Baby came to give me peace. He came to give me peace so perfect, that He was called the Prince of Peace. The Message paraphrase says “Prince of Wholeness.” I felt like I had huge gaping holes in my heart. But the Prince of Peace came to fill those holes and to make me whole.

It’s been many years since that long winter of my soul. God has graced my life with two beautiful daughters, now ages 6 and 3. My hindsight isn’t yet 20/20, but I am gaining a more eternal perspective on the hard times of my life. Keeping that long winter in mind, we chose special names for our daughters. Their names mean “The Grace of Christ” and “Resurrection.”

Do you know someone who is hurting this Christmas season? I’ve talked with other ladies who have miscarried or experienced the loss of a child, and they all say that Christmas and its child-focus is difficult, even if the loss occurred years ago. I encourage you to take a moment and pray for those women (and men) who have lost children, whether through miscarriage, death, or even a prodigal. The pain of not having a child (one way or another) during the Christmas season is acute. Take a moment, even just a line in an email or Christmas card, to acknowledge that loss. And then take the opportunity to focus on the real reason why Jesus came to earth – to heal our hurts, to make us whole, to reunite our families, and to reconcile us to God and to each other.

Glory to God!
Glory to God!
Glory to God in the Highest!

About the Author: Anni is the wife of Charles Welborne and the homeschooling mother of five children - two daughters (ages 7 and 5) here on earth, and three who graduated early and now dwell with their Heavenly Father. She assists her husband in the tape/CD duplication ministry at their church, where she is also in charge of the Deaf ministry and serves as a sign language interpreter. Anni is also a part-time Developmental Therapist for at-risk and developmentally delayed infants and preschoolers. In her "spare" time, she enjoys sewing, quilting, scrapbooking, and making pysanky (Ukranian decorated eggs). The Welbornes live in Indiana.

In this site...

Christmas and the Loss of a Child for Brenda...

by Anni Welborne

Christmas and the Loss of a Child
for Brenda...