Mommy Musings
Monthly Column by Anni Welborne

Lately, my girls have been asking “Why” frequently. I’ll tell them to do something, and their immediate response is “Why?” At first, it didn’t register with me. But then I noticed that it was the automatic response, regardless of what I asked them to do.

I know that “Why” is a common question with little ones. When my older daughter was three years old or so, she started into her “Why” phase. At first it was cute, and we had fun trying to continue coming up with answers to her sequential “Whys.” But then it got old. I didn’t want to stifle her natural curiosity, but I was going crazy. So we came up with the rule that she could ask two “Why” questions in a row, but then she needed to come up with a different question. We quickly amended it to include “How come,” which is essentially the same as “Why?” I thought it was important to distinguish between her genuine desire for knowledge and her childish desire to just prattle.

This encouraged her curiosity, but also encouraged her verbal abilities. I remember the first time she actually was able to articulate a different question. We dropped her daddy off at a different building after lunch one day.

Daughter: Why?

Me: Because Daddy has a meeting in that building.

Daughter: Why?

Me: Because that building is where most of the people are, and it is more convenient for them to meet there.

Daughter: Why?

Me: No, dear, you need to ask a different question.

<Long silence from the back seat…>

Daughter: What will they talk about?

I don’t remember the exact answer I gave her to that one, but I made sure to praise her for thinking of a different question. From that day forward, we didn’t have problems with endless “whys.”

However, these recent “whys” are different. In discussing this with my husband, we decided that the question wasn’t really about seeking information. Rather, it was about questioning our authority.

At first, when one of the girls would say, “Why?” to our direction to do something, we would simply change their words. “Honey, I think you mean, ‘Yes, Mommy.’” But that didn’t seem to satisfy them. It was time to turn to the Ultimate Authority – God’s Word. (We probably should have started there…)

In a previous article, I reviewed a book that has been tremendously helpful in our parenting - My ABC Bible Verses by Susan Hunt. Time and again, we turn to those ABC verses that the girls have memorized to aid them in making Godly choices.

It even helped our current “Why” challenge:

"Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord" (Colossians 3:20).

Isn’t it great when God tells us why? This verse not only commands them to obey us, but also gives them motivation for doing so. It takes the focus off of them, off of us, and puts it where it belongs –- on God.

Now, our conversations sound something like this:

Me: Please <do whatever.>

Daughter: Why?

Me: Is this part of “all things?”

Daughter: Yes.

Me: Do you want to be pleasing to the Lord?

Daughter: Yes.

Me: Then what will you do?

Daughter: Obey.

Me: Good choice!

Since applying this verse to this situation, we have heard fewer “Why” challenges to our authority. I don’t know that we will ever be able to fully extinguish that behavior, because challenging authority is the core of our sinful beings.

Truth be told, I frequently ask “Why” of God myself. Why do I need to submit to my husband, even when I feel he’s wrong? Why do I need to be patient with this child? Why do I need to speak sweetly, even though I’m really ticked off? Why do I need to sacrifice my desires in this situation?

“…in all things, because it is well-pleasing to the Lord.”

It’s sometimes hard for me to obey, just like it is sometimes hard for my daughters to obey. But deep down inside, I really do want to please God. And I pray you do too.

About the Author: Anni is the wife of Charles Welborne and the homeschooling mother of five children - two daughters (ages 7 and 5) here on earth, and three who graduated early and now dwell with their Heavenly Father. She assists her husband in the tape/CD duplication ministry at their church, where she is also in charge of the Deaf ministry and serves as a sign language interpreter. Anni is also a part-time Developmental Therapist for at-risk and developmentally delayed infants and preschoolers. In her "spare" time, she enjoys sewing, quilting, scrapbooking, and making pysanky (Ukranian decorated eggs). The Welbornes live in Indiana.

Copyright © 2008 by Anni Welborne.