Mommy Musings
Monthly Column by Anni Welborne

I’m not a naturally self-disciplined person. I know people who are, and I marvel at them. I don’t go in for a lot of psychological jargon, but my “inner child” is a brat, pure and simple. My “id” never made it to the “ego,” let alone the “super ego.” At the same time, God has blessed me with a relatively quick mind with the ability to retain things I’ve read. I can remember the plot lines and even conversations from books I haven’t read for years. In school I didn’t have to study much. (“Don’t hate me because I’m intelligent!”) Dean’s List wasn’t that big of an achievement for me. Sheer laziness kept me from having a 4.0 GPA.

In regards to my spiritual growth, this has been both a blessing and a detriment. Because I could remember what the Bible said on a subject and remember countless lessons and sermons from a passage, I didn’t bother to develop the habit of disciplined, regular Bible study. When I was younger, I didn’t think it was necessary. In my sinful pride, I even sometimes thought I could bring more insight to a passage than the teacher I was sitting under. I have something of a picture memory, so I never developed the habit of memorizing Scripture. Yet I always felt guilty for not having a “regular quiet time” or doing “Daily Devotionals.” Again, in my sinful pride, I sometimes felt I didn’t need to, since I remembered things so well.

But what is it about having children that has driven me to my knees and to my Bible? Why did my IQ drop 15 points per pregnancy? (Let’s see, 5 pregnancies = 45 points that I’m missing here….) Why can’t I even remember what I ate for breakfast? Did I even eat breakfast? I’m a bright, intelligent woman, self-confident, with a can-do (and will-do) attitude for the most part! How is it that a 3 year old can leave me in tears of frustration? How is it that I’m out-thought and out-argued by a 6 year old? God, help me, PLEASE! Oddly enough, I remember praying (before children) for God to make me hungry for Him and His Word. Is this His answer?

I knew I had to develop some self-discipline, especially regarding my spiritual life, if I wanted to survive being a mother. (And if I wanted my girls to survive my being their mother!) Further, I know that I’m only able to teach my girls what I myself can do, so if I want my own girls to have self-discipline, I’ve got to start demonstrating it myself.

One Scripture that got me thinking (and understanding my own sinful pride) about this was James 1:23-25:

"For if anyone only listens to the Word without obeying it and being a doer of it, he is like a man who looks carefully at his [own] natural face in a mirror; for he thoughtfully observes himself, and then goes off and promptly forgets what he was like. But he who looks carefully into the faultless law, the [law] of liberty, and is faithful to it and perseveres in looking into it, being not a heedless listener who forgets but an active doer [who obeys], he shall be blessed in his doing (his life of obedience)." (Amplified)

Ouch! But there’s hope! If I work on this, if I “look carefully into the faultless law,” if I’m “faithful to do it,” and if I persevere and actually do what I read, then God promises to bless me! And in my mothering, I certainly needed God’s blessing! Did you see something else there? The law is liberty! Can it be that self-discipline leads to freedom? How can that be?

I was once bemoaning the fact that I so desperately needed time alone with God to do devotions. And yet, as a mother of young children (one with special needs, no less), I couldn’t seem to pull it together to get that done. A very wise older woman quietly asked me two questions:

• Who gave me these children? and
  
  
• Who gave me the expectations of having long stretches of quiet times?

What insightful questions! Was I trying to live up to the world's standard or live up to what God had asked me to do? Did I want to "do devotions" or did I want to live a devoted life? She assured me that God completely understands how busy my day is, how rare are the quiet moments. She encouraged me to seek Him in the little, mundane things, to use every moment I have for fellowship with Him - whether doing dishes or folding laundry or cleaning little bottoms. "Whatsoever you do to the least of these...you've done it unto Me" (Matthew 25:31-46). She said that it was an act of worship every time I answered my children kindly and peacefully instead of in anger or frustration. She said that when I wiped little noses gently rather than impatiently, I was ministering to Jesus. She said that every moment I spent explaining the wonders of creation could be moments of joy in His fellowship. Romans 1 has come alive for me, as I seek His wisdom in showing my small children how God has revealed Himself in every little aspect of our lives and in our world.

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse" (Romans 1:18-20, NASB, emphasis added).

As homeschoolers, I want to teach my children the joy of discovery along the road of life, without huge amounts of time artificially devoted to workbooks and such, although worksheets and exercises have their appropriate place. Spiritual life is very much the same - there is definitely a time and a place for sitting down and studying. I'm so thankful for the days when I've had to SEARCH for God, because He's met me there, in the dewy diamond-y spider webs in the garden, in the 87th dandelion I've expressed gratitude for in one afternoon, in the stack of too small baby clothes being sorted through my tears, and even in the third pair of wet and/or dirty training pants in one morning.

There will come the day again (all too soon, it seems) when I will have time for extended Bible study and prayer. But I'm thankful for the lessons I'm learning now. Somehow they seem a bit more real and solid and practical than all the previous study times. The Bible doesn’t mention that Mary, the mother of Jesus, had “devotions” or “quiet times,” and yet look how well her children turned out. In all likelihood, she was illiterate, and she certainly didn’t have her own copy of the Torah. But she undoubtedly “pondered these things in her heart” all day long and well into the night. The only time we see a woman drawing apart to spend time with Jesus was Mary of Bethany – and she didn’t have any children! But lest we think it’s not important, Jesus still praised her for her devotion to His teachings.

I recently heard about a book that really caught my attention – The Richest Man Who Ever Lived: King Solomon's Secrets to Success, Wealth, and Happiness by Steven K. Scott. I bought it, and wow! He packs a tremendous amount of wisdom into that little book. After a long period of failure (and who of us doesn’t feel like a miserable failure at least some of the time?), someone challenged him to read a chapter of Proverbs every day for the next 2 years, and the man promised him that if he did, he would see success in many areas of his life. And he did!

Well, I have decided to take the challenge as well. The past 4 months, I have been reading that one chapter a day, and I’ve seldom missed a day. WOW! God packs a tremendous amount of wisdom in that little book! Just what God says about discipline alone is very sobering and very hopeful: (all from NASB)

Proverbs 12:1 - Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Proverbs 13:18 - Poverty and shame will come to him who neglects discipline, but he who regards reproof will be honored.

Proverbs 15:32 - He who neglects discipline despises himself, but he who listens to reproof acquires understanding.

Proverbs 19:27 - Cease listening, my son, to discipline, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.

Proverbs 19:20 - Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days.

Proverbs 23:12 -  Apply your heart to discipline and your ears to words of knowledge.

God calls the undisciplined person stupid. That’s pretty harsh, but God’s Word is true. Poverty and shame are the result of neglecting discipline. Money is already pretty tight; I certainly don’t want it to get tighter. Could it be that if I gained wisdom, money might not be so tight? I’d certainly love to understand some of the problems I’m having. I’d love to live the rest of my life wiser than I have been. And I certainly do not want to stray from the words of wisdom. Therefore, I will apply my heart to discipline.

Apply my ears? How can I do that? Well, in this technologically advanced age, I have access to all the great preachers and Christian music through the Internet and podcasting. My own Internet connection is painfully slow, but my husband downloads podcasts for me from his office. My favorites are Focus on the Family (James Dobson), Family Life Today, Walk in the Word (James MacDonald), Turning Point (David Jeremiah), The Urban Alternative (Tony Evans), and Revive our Hearts (Nancy Leigh Demoss). I also really enjoy listening to my own church’s sermons again through the week. Thankfully, we have two great Christian music stations that we can get at our house. WGNR is owned by Moody Broadcasting Network, and it plays a lovely variety of music and teachings. I didn’t know how much my daughters were paying attention until one day I heard my older daughter humming “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing,” which is the theme song for Revive our Hearts with Nancy Leigh Demoss. We also can get American Family Radio. Both have provided great opportunities for me to teach my daughters God’s truth, as they hear songs and want to know what the songs mean, or when they hear a mission spotlight or a teacher.

I still have a long way to go before I’d say I’m “self-disciplined.” Unfortunately, I’m still more motivated by external forces than internal ones. But I’m getting there! And I pray that you are getting there too!

• Pray for God make you starving for Him and His Word. Keep praying for this! Never be satisfied with what you have – always hunger for more.
  
• Consistently do one small thing (like read Proverbs daily). Keep doing it. God will continue to reveal Himself to your hungry heart.
  
• Fill your mind and your house with great Christian music and teachings. Kids do hear what is playing, even if they don’t act like it.

About the Author: Anni is the wife of Charles Welborne and the homeschooling mother of five children - two daughters (ages 7 and 5) here on earth, and three who graduated early and now dwell with their Heavenly Father. She assists her husband in the tape/CD duplication ministry at their church, where she is also in charge of the Deaf ministry and serves as a sign language interpreter. Anni is also a part-time Developmental Therapist for at-risk and developmentally delayed infants and preschoolers. In her "spare" time, she enjoys sewing, quilting, scrapbooking, and making pysanky (Ukranian decorated eggs). The Welbornes live in Indiana.

Copyright © 2007 by Anni Welborne.