Mommy Musings
Monthly Column by Anni Welborne

I love using American Sign Language (ASL) with children! I was on board the Sign with Babies boat long before the current fad began. American Sign Language enables children as young as 6 or 7 months to communicate without crying. I won’t go into all the benefits (if you’re interested, go here http://www.sign2me.com/about.php for more information), but I will say that if it weren’t for sign language, our household would have been filled with much more crying and fussing, including my own!

Our older daughter, now almost 7, used sign almost exclusively at home during her baby- and toddlerhood, but off and on out in public, as she pleased, whenever it suited her. When our younger daughter was born with special needs, others cared for our older daughter, and she pretty much ceased signing, as no one understood her signs. But she was almost 3 at that point and talking a great deal anyway. I began signing with our special needs daughter from the very beginning, because I knew she’d need the help with communicating. Long story short, she didn’t begin signing back (or communicating at all other than crying) until she was almost 2 years old. At first it was just a sign or two. But something “clicked” with her right around her second birthday, and she exploded with language. She was trying her hardest to verbally talk to us, but she just couldn’t. But she could sign! And we understood her signs! It’s been almost 2 years that she’s been signing, and while she speaks more than she signs now, she still signs quite a bit.

So, American Sign Language is important in our household. I’m an interpreter at our church (www.fbclafayette.org), so the girls see me practicing for the sermons and music. They see me looking up signs from time to time, or struggling with interpreting a certain concept. I could regale you with fun stories of our girls learning to sign, but maybe another time.

I recently watched the movie “Children of a Lesser God” again. I saw it many years ago, and even had the tape, but just hadn’t watched it for many years. While it’s a great movie for portraying the complexities of Deaf World meets Hearing World, a good deal of the language is foul (one Deaf student in particular delights in being able to pronounce expletives), and there is a lot of nudity and adult sexual situations. One of my degrees is in Deaf Education, and I lived for one year at a state school for the Deaf as part of my undergraduate training. Much of the movie resonates with me, but I can’t really recommend it because of the language and sexual content. However, there is one scene that is pivotal in describing the relationship between the hearing man and the Deaf woman. In that scene, after an explosive argument, she teaches him a new sign – the sign for CONNECT or BELONG.

In ASL, the middle fingers are considered the “emotion” fingers. That is, if a concept is signed with the middle finger in dominance of the sign, it is a more emotionally loaded sign. For example, the sign for JESUS is to take one’s middle fingers in open “5” hands and point to the palms of the opposite hand. I’ve seen BELONG signed a couple of different ways, depending on what belonged. If one wanted to sign that a puzzle piece belonged to a certain puzzle, one would use both index fingers touching the thumbs (making little circles), link the two circles like a chain, and then point from the piece to the puzzle box with that linked sign. But if one wanted to say that one belonged to another person, as in a very close relationship, one would use the middle fingers touching the thumbs instead of the index fingers. (For a really terrific demonstration of the signs for Jesus and Belong, go to Aslpro.com, click on J for Jesus, then scroll down, click on the word, and wait for the short clip to see the sign demonstrated. Repeat with B for Belong. Hey, if you want to learn sign language, this is a great site to start with! May I also recommend www.lifeprint.com for sign lessons.)

I believe that rituals and routines are very important for teaching children, and research backs me up. Kiddos thrive on repetition. Children need to repeat things over and over before something becomes meaningfully ingrained in their developing minds. Children experiment with things by repetition. If I drop this glass, will it fall every time? If I pour this sand, will it pile up like that every time? When Mommy says she loves me, does she mean it every time? When Daddy says I’m precious, does he mean it every time?

We have created a little ritual with our girls that has been so precious and valuable. Using the sign for belong, instead of linking our own fingers, we link with the family member. That is, one hand of mine is linked with the hand of my daughter, our two hands forming the complete sign. Sometimes, we do it one handed, sometimes two, sometimes in a circle chain with all of us, sometimes with our arms entwined (which always leads to silly giggles).

I belong to you.
(One pair of linked hands goes to one person.)
You belong to me.
(That linked pair then goes to the other person.)
We belong to each other.
(Linked pairs of hands go to the center – think football huddle.)
And we belong to GOD!
(Linked pairs fly up and apart, as if reaching to be picked up.)

I can’t tell you how comforting this tiny, silly little ritual has been to our girls. Sometimes in the middle of the day, when nothing at all is happening, a girl will present herself before me, holding out her fingers to be linked. Sometimes when we’re out shopping and one of my daughters wanders more than a few feet away and perhaps looses sight of me for a moment, she will run back and want to link up and belong again. Sometimes after a discipline discussion, a child wants to know if she’s really forgiven. Sometimes when a little lassie is feeling poorly and just wants to cuddle, she’ll climb in my lap and just link her fingers in mine, and stay that way while we read a book together. (Yes, it’s hard to turn pages that way, but what a mother won’t do for her child….)

Two weeks ago, my youngest daughter (almost 4 years old) had another seizure. Thank God, they are not that frequent (last one was almost a year ago), but they are serious seizures, nonetheless. For several hours, she could do nothing but lay in her bean bag chair, unable to sit up on her own. Normally, I ration TV severely, but that day, I caved in to a tape full of Blue’s Clues episodes. However, after one or two rounds in the Thinking Chair, she rolled off her bean bag chair and started to crawl to me, whimpering ever so softly. She was still too weak to crawl, so I went to pick her up. She couldn’t talk yet (another post-seizure challenge), but she kept reaching for my hand, swiping towards it. I took her little hand in mine, and realized she was trying to link our fingers. I had to do all the work for her (one of my hands had to hold her little hand closed and move her arm back and forth) and all the talking, but she wanted reassurance that indeed, she belonged to me. After we did our belonging ritual, she stopped whimpering and settled back into my arms for more Blue’s Clues.

Yes, darling. You belong to me, even when you’re sick. And yes, I belong to you. God gave me to you to care for you when you need it most. We need each other, because I can’t be a Mommy without you. We belong to a God who is loving, wonderful, kind and in control, even when your growing brain short circuits. And someday, soon I hope, we will fly up to be with that wonderful God, and we’ll truly understand the meaning of BELONG.

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What little rituals can you create in your family to promote belonging?

About the Author: Anni is the wife of Charles Welborne and the homeschooling mother of five children - two daughters (ages 7 and 5) here on earth, and three who graduated early and now dwell with their Heavenly Father. She assists her husband in the tape/CD duplication ministry at their church, where she is also in charge of the Deaf ministry and serves as a sign language interpreter. Anni is also a part-time Developmental Therapist for at-risk and developmentally delayed infants and preschoolers. In her "spare" time, she enjoys sewing, quilting, scrapbooking, and making pysanky (Ukranian decorated eggs). The Welbornes live in Indiana.

Copyright © 2007 by Anni Welborne.