Be the Change
Monthly Column by Dr. Krista Driver

Did any of you have any weird habits as a kid? I used to walk around with a pocket full of rocks. I thought those rocks would save my life!

I was born December 2, 19-something and I weighed 7.5 pounds. That's important to tell you, because seven weeks later while my 15 year old drug addicted mother and my 19 year old drug addicted father were being arrested, the police found me in our home (which was a VW van) weighing only 2.5 pounds.

At the hospital, I was given my first label -- Infant with Failure to Thrive. The doctor said, "It'll be a miracle if this baby lives." We obviously know how that story ended, because I'm talking to you today.

To any 2, 3, 4 year old child, anyone over five feet is a GIANT. When my giant social worker would come to "visit" me, I knew my life was going to be disrupted AGAIN. So, when she would appear, I would disappear. I'd hide under beds, on top of the roof, anywhere.

My foster mom took me to church, where I heard the story of David and Goliath ... the story of a little shepherd boy that killed the giant with one tiny rock. So, I figured that I needed to have rocks with me at all times ... then I could KILL my giant (and I wouldn't have to go to any more foster homes). From then on, I walked around with a pocket full of rocks.

No, I never had the courage to THROW any of those rocks, but I had them with me just in case.

Then I began to collect rocks from other people and myself, putting them into my pocket and carrying them everywhere I went.

"You're not good enough."
"You're not smart enough."
"Something is intrinsically wrong with you."
"Your own mother didn't love you enough."

The burden became unbearable. I was totally defeated laying in that bed in the ICU. They called my family and pastor in, where they prayed over me as I lay dying (literally) ... bleeding internally and dying from Anorexia Nervosa. I was so thin, you could see my backbone through my stomach. I was, once again, failing to thrive. I remember hearing the doctor say, "It'll be a miracle if she lives."

From the hospital, I was sent to an inpatient treatment facility for my eating disorder. Those were the worst 10 weeks of my life. However, something happened for me there.

Every morning, I'd go out to the edge of the ranch where the wooden cross rose up from the desert floor. I'd kneel at that cross and pray, "God please take this from me. I don't want to die." Every morning I'd watch the sun rise, and every morning I was thankful to be alive.

One by one I laid my collection of rocks down at the foot of the cross...

"You're not good enough."
"You're not smart enough."
"Something is intrinsically wrong with you."
"Your own mother didn't love you enough."

I laid them down at the feet of the Rock of ALL Ages, then He exchanged those rocks with rocks of TRUTH.

"I am loved."
"I am valuable."
"I am a daughter of the King".
"Christ in ME the HOPE of glory" (Colossians 1:27).

And I filled my pockets with the rocks of Truth! I stand before you today with 10 years of recovery and another lesson I have learned along the way.

The lesson I have learned is that life is hard -- ROCK hard sometimes. The storms of life happen to all of us at some point in our lives. Yet, the storms don't determine if we stay "standing"; rather, it is the foundation upon which we have built our "house."

Take a house built in Malibu and a house built in Manhattan. They could even be the exact same floor plan, model, color, etc. When the storms of life come (and they come for everyone) which house will remain standing? Malibu is built on sand. Manhattan is built on the tip of a granite rock. For the foundation WILL determine the final outcome. How often do we see the pictures of "Malibu" being destroyed by the winds, flood, fires? Every year, Malibu is in the news, but they continue to build their houses on the sand. How often do you read or hear about Manhattan being destroyed by the storms? NEVER. The only thing that could crush the house in Manhattan is the enemy slamming a 747 into its belly! For the house in Malibu was built by the fool -- built on shaking ground of lies and deceit and flimsy DIRT. The house in Manhattan was built by the wise -- built on solid TRUTH!

The storms of life come for all of us.

One such storm happened in my life. He was 13 years old when his parents brought him to our drug rehab. Mark was addicted to heroin. I worked with this boy and his parents for months, and desperately tried to teach Mark how to kill his giant -- heroin. I'll NEVER forget the morning the call came in: "Dr. Krista, Mark killed himself last night." I was shaken! He was only 13 years old!

I wanted to quit. I ran, and I told God I was DONE. "That's it! I'm NOT doing this work anymore!" I threw my rocks down and refused to pick them back up. But God pursued me. Finally I grew tired of running, and finally I asked,

"Why me, God?"

The answer was undeniably from the Rock of Ages.

"Why NOT you? You are a simple girl, entangled with the same mistakes and shortcomings as everyone else. Why NOT you? You are a small pebble plucked from a stream and when thrown by my hand, giants in the lives of those around you have fallen; it is NOT your strength, but mine. Why NOT you?"

So I picked up my rocks and began to build on the foundation of TRUTH, and I have opened a transitional living home for women struggling with substance abuse issues. And I've just opened a ranch for rescued horses and troubled kids to build their foundation of Hope on the solid truth, "Christ in you, the HOPE of Glory."

I am filling my pockets full of rocks, and I will teach them to fill their pockets too!

I still collect rocks. They are a tangible reminder of where I've been and what I hope for. I'll pick a rock for its unique shape to remind me that I am unique, I am human and fallible. Then I'll write something to remind me where I got that rock from.

I still walk around with a pocket full of rocks. However, I don't keep them all for myself. I like to give them away, to offer hope to others. To let them know that they are loved and valuable and a son/daughter of the King--Christ in them the HOPE of Glory. To encourage others to be a David, and go beyond their FEAR and BOLDLY step up to what they have been called to do ... to be a little shepherd boy who had the COURAGE to pick up a rock, yet was HUMBLE enough to know that it was by God's strength that the giant fell.

I'd like to challenge you to go out today, pick up a rock and write on it. Start filling your pockets with rocks. It is my hope and prayer that you would keep this rock as a reminder of these things:

• The importance of laying our old rocks at the feet of the Rock of Ages.
  
  
• The necessity of building on a solid foundation of truth so that we're not shaken when the storms of life hit.
  
  
• That when we say, "Why me, God?" we hear the answer clearly: "Why NOT you? You are a pebble that when plucked from the stream and thrown by MY hand, the giants in the lives of those around you will fall."

Even as a little girl, I knew the ROCK would save my life!

About the Author: Dr. Krista Driver holds professional certifications in diagnosing and treating eating disorders and substance abuse. She is licensed in the State of California as a Marriage, Family, and Child (LMFT) therapist. Currently working in private practice, Dr. Driver is also the Founder and Executive Director of Serenity Center For Change (a public benefit nonprofit in California). From transitional living to equine therapy, Serenity Center for Change offers the tools to assist others in initiating effective change in their lives. Dr. Driver has published one book (But I Want A Casserole) and is currently awaiting the publication of her second book (But I Want the Whole Loaf). Visit her website at www.DrKristaDriver.com.