Be the Change
Monthly Column by Dr. Krista Driver

As a little girl, one thing that was ever present in my life was my love for horses. I would draw endless pictures of them, daydream about riding in the countryside and write stories about a girl and her horse. Naturally, I was talking about myself in those stories and woven into the fabric of each story was the little girl's desire to be free and to ride on the winds of the equine spirit; to face her fears and not feel scared.

I was blessed to have opportunities to be around horses as a young girl, yet as adulthood neared my childhood fantasies stayed in the pastures with the horses of my dreams. I approached life with an unsteady foot. It was as though I had a "bit" in my mouth that prevented me from speaking my truth.

Then I set out on my own trail of adult responsibilities -- college, graduate school, licensing, and work. I knew God had a plan for me and I wasn't all that interested in it. I did not want to do what He wanted me to -- ultimately because I was afraid of it. Thus, I made several attempts to change His mind. My heart was locked in a "stall" and held captive to my own fears.

Some time ago, I finally took the locks off that stall and carried my heart out to the pasture where I found healing and in that process, discovered a Truth beyond my understanding… "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 NKJV).

She was locked in a stall and literally starved of food and love. My heart reached over the barn door and rested in her intense sadness. I finally found "someone" who truly understood my own pain. It was months later when her owner asked if I would take her and provide her the life she so deserved.

Because the cost of transporting a horse was MORE than my little budget had, I decided to "do it myself." I found a trailer I could borrow, conned my brother-in-law into letting me use his truck and I (that means MYSELF) drove that truck and trailer (and I've NEVER driven a horse trailer before). I went out, loaded up the horse and drove her to her new home.

Behind the wheel, voice quivering, body shaking, I put the truck into gear and whispered, "I can do...all...all...t-t-hings through C-Christ whhoo strengthens me." If I just had faith the size of a mustard seed.

We made it home safely and as the half starved mare (whom I named Grace) began her process of physical restoration, I began my process of understanding the complexities of this horse while embracing parallels to myself and God.

Horses are prey animals and they have one primary function -- to survive. They have an ability to see all emotion as information. If I step into her stall and I am afraid, even if I show only bravado, she could literally hear my heart beat and know that I’m afraid.

How many times have I stepped into God’s presence and acted like I knew (better than He) the direction my life should take? How many times did I stand before the Creator of the universe and flap my arms in an attempt to "whoa" His plans for me?

Just as my little mare knows my true emotions, so does my God. When I walk in that stall and act like I’m not afraid, when I really am, she just stands there and waits for me get honest with her. She gives me the grace to speak my truth. When I walk in to the presence of God and act like I know better than He, He just stands there and waits for me to get honest with Him. He knows the TRUTH.

I’m sitting in the pasture, writing another story about people who face their fears and ride on the winds of the equine spirit. Won’t you join me? What have you locked away in a stall or left behind in the pastures of your childhood? Do you long to take that "bit" out of your mouth and speak your truth? Do you know what God wants you do, yet are afraid or unwilling?

Regardless of the challenges you face, there is ONE truth: Nothing is impossible with God. He will stand there, patiently and lovingly giving us the grace to speak our truth...

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"
We just need the faith the size of a mustard seed.

About the Author: Dr. Krista Driver holds professional certifications in diagnosing and treating eating disorders and substance abuse. She is licensed in the State of California as a Marriage, Family, and Child (LMFT) therapist. Currently working in private practice, Dr. Driver is also the Founder and Executive Director of Serenity Center For Change (a public benefit nonprofit in California). From transitional living to equine therapy, Serenity Center for Change offers the tools to assist others in initiating effective change in their lives. Dr. Driver has published one book (But I Want A Casserole) and is currently awaiting the publication of her second book (But I Want the Whole Loaf). Visit her website at www.DrKristaDriver.com.