Be the Change
Monthly Column by Dr. Krista Driver

Most of us have heard the story of "Dumbo". The ridiculous amount of teasing and hardship that little elephant endured was maddening, wasn’t it?

For many years I worked as a contracted counselor in various schools in Santa Ana, California. The kids I worked with ranged in age from 5-18 and ALL were "high risk" (a glamorous way of saying they were dealt a bad hand from the start of life).

Over at the elementary school one day, a little boy was sent to my office. It seemed he had begun fighting on the playground and he was failing the second grade. He walked in, plopped down in the big chair (where his feet extended out, because he was so small) and said, "So, are we going to get in touch with my inner child?" Okay, who wouldn’t laugh at that?

I asked Juan why he thought he was in my office. And to my great relief, he was not only smart, he was extremely articulate and expressed himself in a way that nearly brought tears to MY eyes (and that took a lot considering the many sad stories I heard on a daily basis).

"When I look in the mirror, I love who I see. But when others look at me, they think I am ugly and they hate me just because of my ears. I want to be on TV when I grow up, but they probably won’t let me with these ears."

It was then that I noticed them...sticking straight out from under his long, shaggy hair were a pair of the biggest ears I had ever seen on a child. He proceeded to tell me that the other kids teased him, pushed him around, pulled on his ears and he was simply tired of it. So, he began to defend himself on the playground. Note to self: This kid was being tormented and yet HE was in trouble and therefore sitting in my office!

Juan actually had very loving parents (unlike many of the other children I worked with), yet their life was a struggle. His father worked two jobs, just to be able to put food on the table. Something had to be done though! And there had to be something easier than rounding up 3,000 children and teaching them about unconditional positive regard for one another and treating each other as they would like to be treated.

My wheels were set in motion, as was my mouth. I began making calls to anyone and everyone I knew in the medical community and beyond. That’s when the miracle happened.

Dr. M (a prominent plastic surgeon in Orange County) agreed to meet with Juan and his parents to discuss Otoplasty (a surgery which pins the ears back). The family could not afford even a consult with the doctor, but here’s the miraculous part. Dr. M spoke perfect Spanish and could communicate to the family that he would perform the surgery for FREE! The hospital donated the operating room and the anesthesiologist volunteered his time!

And Juan’s life was forever changed. He had his ears pinned back. He went from being perhaps the most picked on kid in school (Dr. M said his earlobes were literally torn from the other kids pulling on his ears) to a kid with a message. He began to talk about what it was like to be so tormented and ridiculed. That year I saw a change in the other kids too. Juan became their teacher in LOVE as he became friends with the very kids that had bullied him.

A few years later, I received a precious phone call from Juan. The little voice on the other end of the phone said, "Dr. Krista, I just wanted to call and thank you again for all that you did for me. My life will never be the same because of you. Oh and Dr. Krista, I’m making commercials in Hollywood now!"

Sometimes it just takes our hearts getting pricked by injustice or the plight of a child or the tears of someone in pain to get us motivated to move our mouths. I moved my mouth on behalf of a little boy with big ears. He said his life will never be the same because of me?

"Oh Juan...my life will never be the same because of you. See...because of you, I wasn’t afraid to ask for help. And you showed me what true strength is. I’m so proud of you."

Do you have an opportunity to move your mouth on behalf of someone else? Is there something that can be done? Trust me when I say, there is NO greater JOY than doing something for another human being -- especially something that is life changing.

About the Author: Dr. Krista Driver holds professional certifications in diagnosing and treating eating disorders and substance abuse. She is licensed in the State of California as a Marriage, Family, and Child (LMFT) therapist. Currently working in private practice, Dr. Driver is also the Founder and Executive Director of Serenity Center For Change (a public benefit nonprofit in California). From transitional living to equine therapy, Serenity Center for Change offers the tools to assist others in initiating effective change in their lives. Dr. Driver has published one book (But I Want A Casserole) and is currently awaiting the publication of her second book (But I Want the Whole Loaf). Visit her website at www.DrKristaDriver.com.