Be the Change
Monthly Column by Dr. Krista Driver

Where were you on January 28, 1986? Do you know where you were or what you were wearing on that date? I was gathered in the library with many other little “dreamers” at my junior high school. I even remember what I was wearing -- NEON yellow stretch pants and a NEON orange shirt (remember when those were popular?). And I vividly remember… 30 seconds after the launch of the Challenger… that horrible explosion! Now, do you remember where you were or what you were wearing on January 28, 1986?

Our minds are like that. When something traumatic happens to us, whether we are watching the Challenger blow up or something was said or done that was so hurtful, we remember every detail of the event. It’s like a snapshot taken, freezing it in time.

Did any of you have a dream when you were little? I’d venture to guess at least some of you wanted to DO or BE something when you grew up. Perhaps you dreamt about being married or about being Shirley Temple, or maybe you dreamt about having lots of fancy clothes. Would you take a moment to think about what that dream was and write it on a piece of paper?

I had many dreams when I was little… I lived in a dream world. Perhaps that was because I learned that the real world wasn’t very pleasant. I wanted to DO and BE many things. Yet, for every dream that I had there was always someone that would attempt to shatter those dreams-- “You can’t do that.” And I can vividly remember who said those things, when it was said, exactly where I was and what I was wearing when it was said. I remember telling my bio mom about my dream to get my doctorate in Psychology. We were walking on the beach in San Diego. She sat me down on a rock and said, “Krista, this is who you are, this is where you came from…and you will never be any better than this.”

Did you have a dream? Did you have someone or something attempt to shatter that dream? I’m confident you could remember every detail of that explosion.

Barbara Morgan was the back-up for Christa McAuliffe. If anything had happened Christa, Barbara would have been on that shuttle. Some people might have watched the space shuttle explode and given up the dream of going to space. Not Barbara! Nearly 22 years later (August 2007), at the age of 55, Barbara Morgan was launched into space! She never gave up HOPE.

I refused to give up my dream and earned my doctorate in Psychology at the age of 25. If you’ve given up hope, or someone or something has convinced you that you “can’t do it,” I say, “Why not?”

Sometimes it’s as simple as reframing your dream. If your dream was to get married, you did, he left and you felt broken… or if your dream was to be Shirley Temple, but there’s only one Shirley and you’re not her... or your dream was to have fancy clothes and you don’t see anything “fancy” in your closet, I believe you can STILL have those dreams.

Webster describes “reframing” as the process of changing the view of a subject. The term "reframing" is also used in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) to describe changing the context or way of viewing a problem. Now in terms of your shattered dreams, if you simply reframe the view of those dreams, you will see that you CAN still achieve them. Start by asking yourself, “What was it about that dream that I was attracted to initially?” Then look at it from another angle.

Marriage: What was it about marriage that you really desired? Perhaps it was a sense of being loved and valued. Knowing the root desire, you can then see that you ARE loved and valued. Reframe it and see that God loves and values you far more than any partner ever could. THAT is a dream fulfilled!

Shirley Temple: What was it about being Shirley Temple that you really desired? Perhaps it was a sense of being adored and respected by others. It really wasn’t about “being” Shirley. Rather, it was about being a person others looked up to. You CAN still have that by living a life of integrity, being a person that others would want to emulate. Dream fulfilled!

Fancy clothes: What was having a lot of fancy clothes representative of to you? Perhaps it was a connection between a sense of safety and security -- if you could afford the fancy clothes you knew you would always be provided for. So what you really wanted was to know that you were going to be OK financially. You could still have that. Learn how to manage your money or hold onto God’s provisions for your life. Dream fulfilled!

Do you see where I’m going with this? Figure out what the root of your dream is; what was the longing of your heart? Then figure out what you can do to ultimately achieve your true desire.

Now, I don’t want to leave you with a bitter taste toward those “dream snatchers” in your life. I’ve learned to examine their motives -- where they were coming from. And in just about every case, I believe their “snatching” came from a fear base. Either they didn’t have someone believe in them, or they didn’t want us to get our hopes up, or whatever the case… they most likely did NOT intend to harm us. It is ultimately our choice if we are going to allow an explosion to kill our dreams.

My bio mother and I have a wonderful relationship today. That’s a whole other article -- perhaps next month I will talk about that (it IS a powerful story). She is one of my greatest supports today. She not only believes in me, but she also believes in herself.

Remember where you are on this day and what you are wearing. For this is the day you realize that YOU can have your dream fulfilled; this is the day you have HOPE!

Launching you to the stars…
    - Dr. Krista

About the Author: Dr. Krista Driver holds professional certifications in diagnosing and treating eating disorders and substance abuse. She is licensed in the State of California as a Marriage, Family, and Child (LMFT) therapist. Currently working in private practice, Dr. Driver is also the Founder and Executive Director of Serenity Center For Change (a public benefit nonprofit in California). From transitional living to equine therapy, Serenity Center for Change offers the tools to assist others in initiating effective change in their lives. Dr. Driver has published one book (But I Want A Casserole) and is currently awaiting the publication of her second book (But I Want the Whole Loaf). Visit her website at www.DrKristaDriver.com. 

*Photo of Barbara Morgan and Christa McAuliffe is courtesy of NASA.