Tammi's Treasures
Monthly Column by Tammi Rhoney

The expression “rule the roost” comes from a hen house where one hen will try to dominate or rule over the rest. Even a Christian home can be much like a hen house because as wives, we like to be in charge. We would rather dominate our husbands instead of submitting to them. Since February is the love month, I thought I would examine one aspect of married love called submission. I admit that it is very difficult, at times, to be submissive to our husbands on a daily basis. However, God has ordained our husbands’ authority, and Scripture requires us to place ourselves under their leadership.¹

In today’s culture, submission is hardly popular and very controversial. Many women cringe at the mere mention of the word. As Martha Peace says in her book, The Excellent Wife, “many women, even Christian ones, are confused and sometimes hostile about what it means for a wife to be submissive to her husband. The topic is much maligned and misunderstood both in the world and the church. Feminists are vehement in their objection to this.”² Yet submission originated from God and existed in the eternal nature of God Himself. According to theologian Wayne Grudem, “this relationship (between the Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) is one of leadership and authority on the one hand and voluntary, willing, joyful submission to that authority on the other hand.”³ Although we have a different rank or position than our husbands as their helpmate, God establishes in Scripture that man and woman are equal in value and dignity in His sight.⁴ Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created Him; male and female He created them.”

In the Greek, the word submissive means “to voluntarily place oneself under.”⁵ There are three main Scripture passages that highlight submission. Ephesians 5:22-33 reveals that God’s ultimate intention for headship and submission in marriage is to reflect the image of Christ and His Bride, the Church. According to these verses, “the husband is to mirror the sacrificial love of Christ by laying down his life for his wife, and the wife is to exemplify the church’s joyful submission to Christ by following her husband’s leadership.”⁶ The second Scripture passage found in Titus 2:4-5 instructs the older women to teach the young wives “to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God.” The specific instruction in Titus 2 is for wives “to be submissive to their own husbands.” The only exemption to submission is if your husband wants you to act in opposition to God’s Word.

In I Peter 3:1-6, we see the impact that submission can have on an unsaved husband: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” According to these verses, God has an even greater plan for submission, the saving of a husband’s soul in order to advance His Kingdom. I Peter 3:1 also clearly stipulates that wives of unbelieving husbands are still to submit to them, even if they do not believe God’s Word. Our Christ-like behavior often speaks louder than words and can also contribute to a Christian husband’s closer walk with Christ.

In Scripture, Sarah is one role model for wifely submission. God commended Sarah, Abraham’s wife, for obeying and calling him her master (I Peter 3:6). However, we also see Sarah trying to rush God’s promise of providing them with an heir by insisting that Abraham take Hagar, her Egyptian maidservant, to be his wife (Genesis 16). Sarah thought she was being patient and waiting on God’s timing, but she failed miserably, and we fail often, too, in our desire to be submissive wives. As I stated earlier, it’s not always easy to submit to our husbands since they definitely are not perfect individuals. They are sinners, just like us, and they may be lazy at times, irresponsible with finances, refuse to provide adequate spiritual leadership, and the list goes on. We can always find ways to criticize them. Yet God has placed them over us for our protection and we are to “honor and affirm their leadership.”⁷ We can give advice, but they should have the final say in important family decisions.

Our calling to be submissive wives comes to us straight from God and we are answerable to God for our obedience or lack thereof.⁸ We can’t blame our husbands when we don’t submit. God intends, through submission, to make us more like Christ. Becoming a submissive wife that is pleasing to God is a life long process, and requires much prayer, control of the tongue, and dependence on the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and guidance. Women, even Christian ones, can be strong-willed, independent and self-sufficient. The bottom line is we like to be in charge and don’t like being led, especially in certain areas. I like to be in charge of my own spending, and I don’t like having to ask my husband’s permission to buy certain items. So we worked it out that, as long as I stay within the budget, I can buy whatever I choose within reason. This has worked well in our marriage.

We all have our “submission moments” when we can either choose to submit to our husbands graciously, or be willful and disobedient. Submission is simply asking God, who is completely trustworthy and controls every detail of our lives, past, present and future, to enable us to trust Him to lead our husbands to lead us.”⁹ As Christian women, we can take comfort in Carolyn Mahaney’s words, “the submissive wife, far from being the weak-willed woman our culture portrays, is actually a model of inner strength. By grace, she has conquered this opposition within her own heart. It is actually weakness on display when a wife is not submissive; she is only caving in to her natural inclination to usurp authority and demand her own way.”¹⁰

(What I have written in this article is in no way comprehensive. For further study on submission, I recommend Martha Peace’s book, The Excellent Wife, or Carolyn Mahaney’s book Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother.)

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About the Author: Tammi has suffered with the debilitating illness known as Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (or “CFIDS”) for almost fifteen years. She is an on-line devotional writer for Rest Ministries. When able, she enjoys swimming, sewing, writing and traveling. Tammi’s passion is encouraging others with chronic illnesses to draw closer to Jesus Christ and find hope and strength in Him. Take a minute to visit her website at www.lordhelpmyhusband.com.