My last column was about our fears, which result in the inability to trust others, including God. I don't believe it is a coincidence that I have been struggling with trust since I wrote it. The devil delights in taking advantage of my emotions to distract me ... to keep me from praying, praising, and serving God so that heaven can be changed.

Yet, I know the truth: God is in control. Just look around! As spring brings new life to all of nature, we can see God's designing creative hand. Here in the Northwest, there still is snow on top of the mountains, but the trees are popping out little reddish nubs along their branches and green shoots are peeking out of the soil. Budding buds promising sweet green leaves and the wildflowers of spring. Who, but God, could orchestrate the seasons?

Although I believe, without a doubt, in God 's authority over all of creation, I do question why He would bother with me. Those ancient records are singing, “not good enough, not good enough.” But it is our life's experiences, not God, that cause us to fear the consequence of trusting anyone or anything.

While you're thinking about your own experiences, let me share one of mine.

From age seven, I knew what I was going to be when I grew up. My parents proudly told people, “Connie's going to be nurse.” It was a given! I studied hard and was on the honor roll. So in my senior year, I requested an application from the best nursing school in the state.

After filling out the form and confirming my references, I excitedly went to my mother for the application fee. While writing the check, she simply said, “Here, but there's no more money.”

What? Of course, there was money for tuition and expenses. I was going to be a nurse when I grew up! I was 18 ... that's grown up!

As the reality of her words engulfed me, I gradually understood it was also too late to apply for scholarships. My parents had never even hinted there would be a problem. They also didn't allow me to have a job as I was the in-house babysitter, cook and cleaning “woman” after school and every summer during my teens. I was devastated.

Thanks to a supportive teacher and the principal, an anonymous benefactor paid for all three years of nursing school. I passed the state board exams and became a RN. For over 40 years, I have ministered physically and spiritually to thousands. Yes, the actions of those I trusted, those in authority over me, failed me. They made me feel worthless and, sadly, I found it difficult to trust anyone else, too. It permeated my life for many years and, every once in a while, distrust still tries to keep me from living as my Heavenly Father wishes.

We must get passed those hurts.

Until next time, search your heart and identify your experiences that led to distrust. We'll explore ways to rebuild trust even when our hearts don't understand. As a result, we will be able to repeat and believe Solomon's words: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5, emphasis added).

For this purpose...

The God of all comfort
Comforts us so one day we can turn around
And offer another sister and brother
The comfort we've found
From the God of all comfort.”¹

Photo taken by Constance Gilbert, 2008, Bend, Oregon.
1—Lyrics and music by Tony Wood and Scott Krippaehne as recorded by Glad. (www.glad-pro.com)

Copyright © 2009 by Constance Gilbert
*Coda = the ending, in music, or the section at the end of a text giving additional information. Share