As the leaves fall and frost covers the windows, I'm ready to get out my sweatshirts and sweaters. My mind turns to homemade soups and hot bread. Snug and warm, I'm in my comfort zone.

That is ... until I went to the store. The Halloween costumes and candy took up three aisles in my local WalMart.^® In the next aisle were some autumn dishes, placemats, and candles in greens, orange and deep red. As I rounded the next aisle, it was empty; but I knew it would be filled with Christmas decorations and gifts on my next visit.

I people-watched as I sat waiting for my prescriptions to be filled, and I was saddened by our American priorities. The witches, dinosaurs, and monsters of Halloween take precedent over Thanksgiving, a national holiday. Even with the current economic problems, parents are still spending their hard earned money on candy and costumes. What happened to creativity? Doesn't anyone have time to make a costume out of an old sheet or a cardboard box? Is it more important to go into debt to please your children, than teaching them the wise use of money and to be thankful for what they do have?

Also as I watched and listened, I heard the same refrain over and over again. “Oh my, I only have three paydays until Christmas.” Or “I don't know what I'll do about Christmas this year.”

My first pot of homemade soup isn't even ready yet and they are worrying about Christmas—not Christ's birthday, but all the presents they're supposed to buy.

I thought back to before I retired, when I held an in-service training called the “Cinderella Syndrome” for the staff as soon as I saw the Halloween shelves being stocked. For many of the employees, the weeks ahead would result in a downward spiral of their emotions, often leading to depression, which also affected their work.

So I would go to the teacher's supply store and purchase a cardboard tree with lots of red, orange and yellow leaves. When I put the tree up, I provided ballots: “I recommend _________ for the recognition tree because _____________________.” Anyone and everyone had the right to vote. The nominations would then go to that employee's supervisor. She would verify the recommendation and give the employee a certificate of congratulations and place a leaf on the tree with her name. Thus the focus was on the good things happening rather than the “only ifs” and the “I can'ts.”

I loved it when I saw staff or visitors reading all the names on the tree. At least for that moment, they were accentuating the positives of life.

At the “Cinderella Syndrome” training I would discuss how our emotions affect our work and ways to avoid the despair we cast upon ourselves. Each year I challenged them to make one change in their Christmas expectations.

It is our unrealistic expectations that bring disappointment, despair and depression at Christmastime.

If you have a dysfunctional family, Christmas is not going to change behaviors. Grouchy Uncle George will still be grouchy. Your mother will still be sarcastic and blame everyone else for her woes. Your brother, whom you haven't seen for five years, isn't going to show up saying all is forgiven. You can stand at the wishing well all day like Cinderella, but there is no fairy godmother coming to wave a magic wand and make it all better. The struggles to pay the mortgage or the car payment, the inability to buy your children everything they want, the conflict with your spouse is not going away just because it is Christmas. Sorry, but that's the truth. Been there, done that.

However, you can make some changes that decrease the stress. For instance, my mother was kind and polite when there were guests present, so rather than just having family over for Christmas dinner, I also invited friends. With limited resources, I made gifts for my family with my son's help. We wrote special poems and framed them along with a picture made by my son. I knit mittens and scarves. I made jelly and kuchen. Yes, I had to plan ahead. I watched for sales on flour and sugar, and on yarn. I started making gifts as soon as the fall weather began. (Chilly weather and knitting seem to go together.)

Instead of the Christmas concert I couldn't afford to attend, we had a concert at home. We dressed up for dinner at the “Gilbert Café,” complete with candles and cloth napkins, then we attended the “concert” via cassettes as we sat in front of our fireplace singing along. You can't do that at a concert! One year we invited some of the neighbor kids over and put together a play for all the families. The price of admission was cookies. (I made the punch.)

Not enough time to bake the usual assortment of cookies? Host a cookie exchange. Everyone brings a double batch of one kind of cookie (about six dozen) and goes home with an assortment. Are you always exhausted by the end of Christmas Day because of all the cooking and baking? Start a new tradition! Make it a potluck if family are coming, or have a buffet of sliced turkey, roast beef, and ham with fancy bread that you purchase or make ahead of time. Everyone can nibble all day. With disposable tableware the cleanup is easy.

Consider a family gift instead of something for everyone. One year my son bought snowshoes for himself and his wife, and sleds for the kids. They spent Christmas Day sledding and building snowmen up in the mountains. When they came home, Grandma (that's me) had dinner ready—nothing fancy, just warm and filling after a day in the outdoors.

Not able to buy gifts for everyone on your list? Ask your extended family to draw names for just the children. Instead of exchanging gifts among the adults, share a memory. For example, my brother loved going to our aunt's house for several weeks each summer when we were kids, but my sister hated it because we had to use the outhouse. I gave them rolls of toilet paper wrapped with fancy paper. When my younger sister was struggling as a single parent, I made her a “babysitting for a weekend” coupon. One year she made everyone a loaf of bread shaped like the letter of their first name. For his younger cousins, my son made gift certificates for kite flying lessons. The time, imagination, and creativity involved in not buying a gift is worth so much more than a store bought one. And it probably won't end up forgotten in a drawer somewhere either.

Because my son was an only child, I created another tradition to teach him about giving and sharing. Each year before his birthday and before Christmas, we sorted through his toys and gave a box of them away. I also had him help prepare and deliver holiday food baskets from our church.

I encourage you to take a look at your Christmas expectations. Choose one stressful thing and change it. Don't wait. Decide now.

You can also honor God for the blessings in your life! Put a construction paper tree on a door and place a leaf on the tree for everything your family members do that is good: a kind word, sharing a toy, helping Mom without being asked, helping Dad rake leaves with a good attitude, picking up toys and books in their room when it's not cleaning up time, giving hugs, etc. Between now and Thanksgiving fill the tree with kindness.

If you haven't started a Blessing Jar, I encourage you to do so. You can use any container: a peanut butter jar, an old flower pot, a basket left over from Easter or another occasion, a large vase, an empty cereal box. Label it “Blessings,” then cut a bunch of paper strips. I run a new piece of copy paper through the shredder and cut the strips in half. Every day try to write at least one thing to be thankful for, from the simple necessities of life (food, heat, transportation, and clean water) to the blessings done to or by others (a kind note sent, an e-mail of encouragement, Dad remembering to pick up milk on his way home, Mom driving the kids to soccer practice, little sister making Jell-O^® all by herself, etc.). A Blessing Jar will help make everyone more aware of the good things that happen every day. On not so good days, pull out the strips of paper and read the blessings—your perspective will change! Keep filling your jar all year. You'll be amazed next Thanksgiving!

On Thanksgiving Day place kernels of corn (like from dried Indian corn) beside each plate and a small empty bowl in the center of the table. Before eating, each person places a kernel of corn into the bowl while naming something for which to be thankful. Continue around the table until all the kernels are in the bowl. They represent the meal that the Pilgrims and Indians ate on that first Thanksgiving Day. The day of celebrating freedom in the new world of America.

I have spent many Thanksgiving and Christmas nights in tears because of my unrealistic expectations. If you've read this far, you probably have also. The key for us as believers is to celebrate Christ's birth. To understand that He left heaven for us. He lived like us, and He died for us. Focus on Him! Jesus is the greatest blessing of all!

Copyright © 2008 by Constance Gilbert
*Coda = the ending, in music, or the section at the end of a text giving additional information. Share

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