I was filled with dread as I slowly climbed the high school stairs. By the time I reached the third floor, my fears had mushroomed to Hiroshima-size. My legs could barely hold me upright. My heart rate had at least doubled and was pounding loud enough to hear.

Entering my college English classroom, I stood quietly shaking until my teacher looked up from marking papers. Quickly I explained that I could not do the current assignment because I hadn't read the book. Although I wanted to run, I waited for her to pronounce my punishment.

She simply said, “Why?” Before I could answer she went on saying, “I'm wondering what the reason for your obvious distress could be. You have never missed an assignment and you've read almost every book on this semester's list. Even if I give you an F, it wouldn't affect your grade. So ... just write why you were unable to read it.”

Whew! Relief faster than “pop, pop, fizz, fizz” flowed through me.

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50 years later, why do I still remember fearfully walking up those stairs? Because I was given permission not to be perfect. Later, I would learn it was okay to disagree or to take a different viewpoint.

At home, I was expected to be good and to be obedient or I was punished—emotionally rather than physically. Now, a teacher, whom I highly respected, was telling me it was okay to “fail” ... to not finish a task. Later on, in nursing school, it was to make a great difference in my education.

I attended a Catholic nursing school during the 60s while Vatican II was taking place. At that time, students never questioned a nun, a priest, a doctor or an instructor. If they said it, it was!

By the way, the norm was for doctors to yell at student nurses, staff nurses to blame everything on nursing students, and instructors did their best to drum you out of the program.

Still I pursued my education—to become the best nurse I could—by asking questions when things didn't make sense to me. My classmates called me “The Rebel.” My instructors frowned, but usually answered. Nuns and priests often were upset and embarrassed.

Yes, I had confrontations. My Jell-O^® legs threatened to collapse on the spot, but I held my ground and continued to ask for explanations.

The chief of staff in Medicine took me under wing. The new plastic surgeon defended me when a staff nurse tried to make me fail my supervision rotation. A head nurse known for being very hard to work with and for, called me “little one” and provided many opportunities to learn what wasn't in our textbooks. OB doctors allowed me to deliver babies—not normally done by student nurses. And a surgeon requested me to assist in all his cases.

I can truly say that I had an excellent foundation when I graduated. For 40+ years, I've been able to make a difference in the lives of many.

So how does that relate to you?

Sadly, when brought up with emotional abuse as the norm, it becomes our comfort zone. Yep, even though it is painful, it's what we know and we fear the unknown. I was not afraid of my high school teacher, I was fearful of the unknown AND my mother's reaction to my disobedience.

Leaving our comfort zones allows us to grow and develop when we are young. It allows us to gain confidence and to try new things. Most of all, it allows us to fulfill God's purposes for our lives.

God never planned for us to be comfy. (Ah, you've noticed that in your life, too!) He is remaking us—restoring the divine image that He placed within us. Thus life is a constant challenge as He pushes and pries us out of our comfort zones.

Instead of looking for earthly security and avoiding changes, we need to seek God's will every day. When we are in the center of His will, we have a peace that this world will never give us.

I would be dishonest if I allowed you think I have it “altogether” ... that I am always within God's plan for me. No, in the past and in the present, I have taken many detours full of potholes and obstacles. But take heart! U-turns are allowed and God is always waiting to guide us once again.

At this time of financial hardships, it is even more important to ask questions, to sort the answers, and to trust God for guidance. My prayer for you and me is that God will remove the fears, provide the answers and give us peace.

Copyright © 2009 by Constance Gilbert
*Coda = the ending, in music, or the section at the end of a text giving additional information. Share

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