To Regard a Man

In writing on The Dreaded ‘S’ Word, Stacy Miller quoted Ephesians 5:33 from the Amplified version. It went like this:

Let the wife see that she respects and reverences (deeply respects, loves, and is in awe of) her husband. She should notice him, regard (consider, gaze upon, to hold in affection and respect) him…

I read the rest of the article, then went back and mulled over this particular point. Wives, we all know that nobody has to tell our husbands to gaze upon us. Sometimes it can be kind of annoying if the social circumstances are poor, or cause self-consciousness if we’re not feeling like we look particularly up-to-snuff. Sometimes it’s tempting to think it’s all in his head—I know what I saw in the mirror! Whatever he’s thinking, it has nothing to do with reality and everything to do with his hormones! It can even almost feel a bit aggressive.

However, the Bible encourages us to cultivate the practice of regarding our husbands—in a spiritual, respectful way, but to gaze upon him as well. Remember dating? Looking at that person and seeing him as a separate, wonderful and amazing entity, before he became one of the household fixtures? I bet you noticed things, right?

Like little mannerisms that were unique and somehow adorable. The facial expressions that are his alone, that provide a secret window into his thoughts—you were learning them then, figuring out what makes him tick. The lines of his hands, his height and the width of his shoulders compared to yours, the way he walks—especially when he’s in conquer-the-world mode. There is something sexy about a man on a mission, even if it’s just to find the TV remote.

Well, those things get buried in the clutter of life. The dirty socks, the supper dishes, the “man junk” and all the other things that come attached to the presence of his person. However, the Scripture encourages us to keep regarding the man himself, and I think it’s a vital part to the rest. To consistently hold him in affection and respect, we first have to consider the man. The thoughts that are cultivated are the ones that will bloom and grow, whether it’s exasperation over his laundry and the miscellaneous clutter of his personal projects, or those newer, sweeter ones from back at the start.

So I decided to do an experiment, and cultivate the practice of regarding my man. My challenge to you for the next eight weeks is: Find those regards again, and see if it enhances the affection and respect in your relationship. Who knows, it might even ignite a little romance.

My lover is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
His head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy
and black as a raven.

His eyes are like doves
by the water streams,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.

His cheeks are like beds of spice
yielding perfume.
His lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.

His arms are rods of gold
set with chrysolite.
His body is like polished ivory
decorated with sapphires.

His legs are pillars of marble
set on bases of pure gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as its cedars.

His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely.
This is my lover, this my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.
—Song of Solomon 5:10-16 (NIV)